In five scintillating paragraphs, Andrew (Andy) Borowitz skewers the fatal weakness in Michael Bloomberg's insurgent pursuit of the Dem (and Dose) nomination for POTUS 46. Borowitz anticipates another lurch toward a new Bloomberg, known as New Mike™ with a less repellant personality. In fact, the best thing that could be said to Insurgent Bloomberg is "If it wasn't for a$$holery, you wouldn't have a personality." If this is (fair & balanced) truth to power, so be it.
[x The New Yorker]
Bloomberg To Spend Ten Billion Dollars To Buy Entirely Different Personality
By Andrew (Andy) Borowitz
TagCrowd Cloud provides a visual summary of the blog post below
Shortly after the Democratic Presidential debate on Wednesday night, aides to Michael Bloomberg announced that he would spend ten billion dollars to buy an entirely new personality.
Acknowledging that some attributes of the former New York mayor’s new personality have yet to be ironed out, campaign advisers indicated that the eleven-figure outlay would be used to purchase warmth, empathy, and humanity.
Additionally, billions of Bloomberg’s war chest will be used to remove several unappetizing qualities from his current personality, including arrogance, touchiness, and a glaring inability to hide his contempt for others.
If all goes as planned, a thoroughly revamped and unrecognizable version of Bloomberg, called New Mike™, will be up and running in time for Super Tuesday.
But even as they announced the impending launch of Bloomberg’s new incarnation, campaign officials were careful to tamp down expectations. “In a perfect world, spending ten billion dollars on a new personality would make Mike an appealing person, but we’ll be happy with ‘not an asshole,’ ” one aide said. ###
[Andrew (Andy) Borowitz is the creator the Borowitz Report, a Web site that is a lot funnier than the stuff posted by Matt Drudge and his ilk. Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears regularly in The New Yorker. He is the first winner of the National Press Club's humor award and has won seven Dot-Comedy Awards for his web site. His most recent book (and Amazon's Best Kindle Single of the Year) is An Unexpected Twist (2012). Borowitz received a BA, magna cum laude (English) from Harvard University (MA).]
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