First, an H/T (Hit Tip) — Un sombrero de punta para a mi hermano de fraternidad — for sending a link to today's essay by The New Yorker's Andrew (Andy) Borowitz. Handy Andy claimed that the Department of Homeland Security was having difficulties with large number of unmarked, dark vans in the DHS motor pool. And there are rumors about the DHS laundry's difficulty linking unmarked camo uniforms with DHS agents. If this is (fair & balanced) fulfillment of the old US military acronym — SNAFU — so be it.
[x YouTube]
"The Liar Tweets Tonight" (Parody of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight")
By Roy Zimmerman and The ReZisters, featuring Sandy Riccardi
[x The New Yorker]
Confused Federal Agents Unable To Determine Which Unmarked Vans In The DHS Garage In DC Are Theirs
By Andrew (Andy) Borowitz
TagCrowd Cloud provides a visual summary of the blog post below
Donald Trump’s plan to dispatch troops to several American cities has hit a major snag, as federal agents have been unable to determine which unmarked van in the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) parking garage is theirs.
According to one agent who spoke on condition of anonymity, hundreds of agents are currently wandering around the huge DHS garage in Washington, fruitlessly attempting to locate the correct unmarked van.
“It’s like a baggage-claim nightmare,” the agent complained. “Many unmarked vans look alike.”
Although sending unmarked vans to cities “seemed like a really cool idea at first,” the ensuing confusion might be a compelling reason to “maybe think about going with marked vans instead,” the frustrated agent said.
Speaking to reporters, the acting head of the Department of Homeland Security, Chad Wolf, said that agents’ inability to locate the correct unmarked vans had been “exaggerated,” and added that he was working with the DHS laundry to insure that agents stop receiving other agents’ unmarked uniforms. ###
[Andrew (Andy) Borowitz is the creator the Borowitz Report, a Web site that is a lot funnier than the stuff posted by Matt Drudge and his ilk. Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears regularly in The New Yorker. He is the first winner of the National Press Club's humor award and has won seven Dot-Comedy Awards for his web site. His most recent book (and Amazon's Best Kindle Single of the Year) is An Unexpected Twist (2012). See his other books here. Borowitz received a BA, magna cum laude (English) from Harvard University (MA).]
Copyright © 2020 The New Yorker/Condé Nast Digital
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License..
Copyright © 2020 Sapper's (Fair & Balanced) Rants & Raves
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