The Windy City's Fishwrap has a humorish columnist on its Op-Ed page and this marks Rex Huppke's premiere appearance in this blog. In the aftermath of the unconceded 2020 election, Huppke offered a tongue-in-cheek apology to the supporters of The *ILK/WPE (*Impeached But Not Removed) Lyin' King/Worst President Ever. In fact, he is in virtual danger of swallowing his virtual tongue. If this is a (fair & balanced) example of US political humor going all of the way back to Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), so be it.
PS: This blogger offers an H/T to a reader near and dear to him for a link to today's essay in this blog.
PPS: The TagCrowd Cloud (a visual preview of the essay) is Back! And, as long as the 2020 vote count continues...
[x YouTube]
"The Liar Tweets Tonight" (Parody of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight")
By Roy Zimmerman and The ReZisters, featuring Sandy Riccardi
[x Chicago Trib — Windy City Fishwrap ]
Dear Trump Supporters — I’m Sorry Joe Biden Won; It’s Definitely My Fault That You Hate Me
By Rex Huppke
TagCrowd Cloud provides a visual summary of the blog post below
If one thing’s clear in the wake of President-elect Joe Biden’s presumptive victory over President Donald Trump, it’s that liberals like me need to reach out to people who spent the past four years dehumanizing us and show empathy.
Immediately.
I’m told this cannot wait and it’s wholly incumbent upon us, the liberals, to spend time trying to better understand the millions of Americans who voted for Trump and who reacted to every tweet we ever posted with a photo of Trump and the words, “CRY HARDER LIB!!”
I feel bad that I have yet to begin my search for common ground with the people who chanted breathlessly for jailing Trump’s political opponents, but I guess I was waiting for them to first accept the results of the presidential election. That was rude of me to think acknowledging reality should be a prerequisite for me to feel deeply concerned about the emotions of people who think Democrats rigged an election but forgot to rig it well enough to win back the US Senate.
I apologize, and I hope that with time, the people who still believe former President Barack Obama is a Muslim will forgive me and let me into their lives so I can gain knowledge and understanding.
After all, I can count on no hands the zero times over the past four years Trump supporters reached out to me in an attempt to bridge the political divide between us. And thank goodness for that, as it might have torn them away from tweeting “HAH! TRIGGERED!” at liberals who were feeling truly hurt by or worried about the actions of the Trump administration.
What’s important now is that I, a liberal, reach out to the person who emailed the day after the election to call me “a worthless pile of human garbage.” I must recognize that that person is hurting. I must take the first step, and that person should certainly not need to engage in any self-reflection. It is my fault he called me human garbage. Hopefully time can heal that wound.
Some might argue it’s impossible to find common ground with people willing to believe there was massive voter fraud when the only evidence presented is conspiratorial word salad served by Trump’s bug-eyed attorney, Rudy Giuliani, outside a Philadelphia lawn care company next to a porn shop.
And some might cynically suggest it’s hard to take people seriously when they insist the media can’t call an election, since they raised no such objection when Trump won in 2016.
But I’m told it would be just like an evil liberal to think such things. Clearly I must do my part, surrender some of my firmly held beliefs and appeal to people who think I should leave the country because all my beliefs are un-American.
So please, to the people who, in the wake of Trump’s 2016 victory, told me to “suck it” and offered a mug in which to place my “Liberal Tears,” I want to comfort you in this difficult time. Perhaps there’s a way I can modify my views on family separation to accommodate your hatred of immigrants? It seems abandoning my disgust that the Trump administration orphaned more than 500 children is the least I can do for people who believe I and other liberals are part of a network of satanic pedophiles.So please, to the people who, in the wake of Trump’s 2016 victory, told me to “suck it” and offered a mug in which to place my “Liberal Tears,” I want to comfort you in this difficult time. Perhaps there’s a way I can modify my views on family separation to accommodate your hatred of immigrants? It seems abandoning my disgust that the Trump administration orphaned more than 500 children is the least I can do for people who believe I and other liberals are part of a network of satanic pedophiles.
Would it help if I hit myself in the face a few times? If that’s what it takes to find a middle ground in which I feel pain and you feel none, I will certainly start the face-whacking immediately. It’s only fair.
Your feelings are extremely important to me, person wearing a pro-Trump T-shirt that says “(EXPLETIVE) Your Feelings.” It is up to me to understand you, and I will be happy to start on that as soon as you’re done composing an email that calls me “the enemy of the people” and shouting “FAKE NEWS!” while trying to intimidate my colleagues.
Take your time. I’ll wait. This is entirely my responsibility, and any suggestion that Biden winning by 5 million votes suggests otherwise is absurd.
I feel bad that I caused you to hate me. Totally my fault. And I don’t want you to feel like you need to do a single thing to better understand me.
After the 2016 election, when Trump lost the popular vote by nearly 3 million but still won the Electoral College, we were told it was the duty of all liberals to better understand the forgotten men and women who supported Trump.
Now, four years later, the 75.5 million Americans who rejected Donald Trump must again step forward and work to better understand the majority 71 million Americans who embraced him.
Because that’s how math, and the rules of Republican fairness, works. ###
[Rex Huppke writes a humor(ish) column for this paper. He is considered (by himself) to be America’s most-beloved columnist, though there is no empirical evidence of that. Before becoming a columnist he spent a decade reporting on social justice issues, from poverty and gang violence to the gay civil rights movement. He previously worked for The Associated Press (AP). Huppke received a BS (chemical engineering) from Lehigh University (PA), following in the footsteps of his grandfather and father. However, after self-reflection, he decided to change careers and received an MJ from the School of Journalism of the University of Missouri at Columbia and has been a journalist since graduation.]
Copyright © 2020 Chicago Tribune
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