Saturday, July 26, 2008

The (Unknown And Grouchy) Geezer

Fitness to be Commander-in-Chief is the anti-Obama mantra of the Dumbos as a substitute for their deepest instincts that a nigger (used among Dumbos in private) is unfit to be anything in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. Thanks to the NY Fishwrap's Bob Herbert (Disclosure: Herbert is an African American.), we have a glimpse of The (Inner) Geezer. Since The Geezer attended the Naval Academy before racial integration was given a shot in the arm by the Chief of Naval Operations — Admiral Elmo Zumwalt — in the early 1970s, The Geezer probably has some interesting racial attitudes. His apology to the NAACP notwithstanding, The Geezer probably has told his share of racist "jokes." The man who can tell a "joke" about Chelsea Clinton's physical appearance can probably "joke" about anything, even race. After all, he The Geezer found the rape of a woman by a gorilla in a "joke" funny enough to repeat that "joke" at a political event. (It is common among racists to equate black people and gorillas.) Now, Bob Herbert has given us The (Unknown) Geezer. Dumbos ought to be careful what they wish for, they might get it. If this is (fair & balanced) psychoanalytic theory, so be it.

[x NY Fishwrap]
Getting To Know You
By Bob Herbert

The conventional wisdom in this radically unconventional presidential race is that the voters have to get to know Barack Obama better. That’s what this week’s overseas trip was about: to showcase the senator as a potential commander in chief and leader of U.S. foreign policy.

According to this way of thinking, as voters see more of Mr. Obama and become more comfortable with him (assuming no major foul-ups along the way), his chances of getting elected will be enhanced.

Maybe so. But what about the other guy? How much do voters really know about John McCain?

Senator McCain crossed a line that he shouldn’t have this week when he said that Mr. Obama “would rather lose a war in order to win a political campaign.” It was a lousy comment, tantamount to calling Mr. Obama a traitor, and Senator McCain should apologize for it.

But what we’ve learned over the years is that Mr. McCain is one of those guys who never has to pay much of a price for his missteps and foul-ups and bad behavior. Can you imagine the firestorm of outrage and criticism that would have descended on Senator Obama if he had made the kind of factual mistakes that John McCain has repeatedly made in this campaign?

(Or if Senator Obama had had the temerity to even remotely suggest that John McCain would consider being disloyal to his country for political reasons?)

We have a monumental double standard here. Mr. McCain has had trouble in his public comments distinguishing Sunnis from Shiites and had to be corrected in one stunningly embarrassing moment by his good friend Joe Lieberman. He has referred to a Iraq-Pakistan border when the two countries do not share a border.

He declared on CBS that Iraq was the first major conflict after 9/11, apparently forgetting — at least for the moment — about the war in Afghanistan. In that same interview, he credited the so-called surge of U.S. forces in Iraq with bringing about the Anbar Awakening, a movement in which thousands of Sunnis turned on insurgents. He was wrong. The awakening preceded the surge.

More important than these endless gaffes are matters that give us glimpses of the fundamental makeup of the man. A celebrated warrior as a young man, he has always believed that the war in Iraq can (and must) be won. As the author Elizabeth Drew has written: “He didn’t seem to seriously consider the huge costs of the war: financial, personal, diplomatic and to the reputation of the United States around the world.”

He also felt we could have, and should have, won the war in Vietnam. “We lost in Vietnam,” said Mr. McCain in 2003, “because we lost the will to fight, because we did not understand the nature of the war we were fighting and because we limited the tools at our disposal.”

The spirit of the warrior was on display in the famous incident in which Mr. McCain, with the insouciance of a veteran bomber pilot, sang “Bomb-bomb Iran” to the tune of “Barbara Ann” by the Beach Boys.

No big deal. Just John being John.

But then, we are already bogged down in two wars. And John is running for president. It’s hardly crazy to wonder.

Part of the makeup of the man — apparently a significant part, according to many close observers — is his outsized temper. Mr. McCain’s temperament has long been a subject of fascination in Washington, and for some a matter of concern. He can be a nasty piece of work. (Truly nasty. He once told an extremely cruel joke about Chelsea Clinton — too cruel to repeat here.)

If the McCain gaffes seem endless, so do the tales about his angry, profanity-laced eruptions. Senator Thad Cochran, a Mississippi Republican, said of Mr. McCain: “The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine.”

Senator Pete Domenici, a New Mexico Republican, told Newsweek in 2000: “I decided I didn’t want this guy anywhere near a trigger.”

Both senators have since endorsed Senator McCain’s presidential bid, but their initial complaints were part of a much larger constellation of concerns about the way Mr. McCain tends to treat people with whom he disagrees, and his frequently belligerent my-way-or-the-highway attitude.

Senator McCain has acknowledged on various occasions that he has a short fuse and has at times made jokes about it. He told Larry King in 2006: “My anger did not help my campaign ... People don’t like angry candidates very much.”

My guess is that most voters don’t see John McCain as an angry candidate, despite several very public lapses. The mythical John McCain is an affable, straight-talking, moderately conservative war hero who is an expert on foreign policy.

Barack Obama is not the only candidate the voters need to know more about.

[Bob Herbert joined The New York Times as an Op-Ed columnist in 1993. His column comments on politics, urban affairs and social trends. Herbert received a B.S. degree in journalism from the State University of New York (Empire State College) in 1988. He has taught journalism at Brooklyn College and the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism.]

Copyright &$269; 2008 The New York Times Company


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Stanley Kubrick Knew His Names: "Colonel Bat Guano" In "Dr. Strangelove"

The two greatest pulpit names in colonial Massachusetts were Increase Mather and his son, Cotton Mather. Increase? Cotton? What kind of bat guano names were those? Of course, as I delved further in New England history during the colonial era, more bat guano names emerged: Hope or Joy were mundane, but how about If-Christ-had-not-died-for-thee-thou-hadst-been-damned — usually called Damned-Barebone? The devout Protestants in New England wanted the names of their children to reflect the great focus of their lives: their religious faith. It seems that naming children in our time reflects the great focus of our lives. So, Bat Guano is an appropriate name for our times. If this is (fair & balanced) denomination, so be it.

[x Salon]
Broadsheet: What's In A Bat-Crap-Crazy Name?
By Kate Harding

Everyone loves a good ludicrous baby name. Half the reason the culture goes so nuts over celebrity pregnancies is because we can't wait to see if the new parents can top Moxie Crimefighter, Audio Science and Pilot Inspektor. The problem is, actual children have to grow up with these names, and when those actual children are not blessed with preternaturally beautiful parents and/or gobs of money, that's a hell of a cross to bear. Hence a New Zealand family court judge's decision to make a 9-year-old girl a ward of the court long enough to change her birth name of — wait for it -- Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii.

Under New Zealand law, names that might "cause offense to a reasonable person" can be blocked before they make it onto a birth certificate, which has saved some kids from "creative" names like Yeah Detroit, Cinderella Beauty Blossom, Sex Fruit and Hitler. But Talula Does the Hula made it through that first check on parental judgment, as did Benson and Hedges (twins), Violence and — wait for it — Number 16 Bus Shelter. That right there is the problem with such a law: Whether a name is offensive is almost entirely subjective.

Personally, I wouldn't name my kids anything on the list of banned or permitted names, but I certainly don't understand why Midnight Chardonnay got through and Cinderella Beauty Blossom didn't. (At least the latter could go by Cindy or Ella.) People naming their kids after a brand of cigarettes is indeed disturbing, but the individual names Benson and Hedges actually fit right in with the whole trend toward WASP-y surnames as first names. And although Talula (or any variant spelling thereof) has never been a popular name, according to the Baby Name Wizard, Talia has been skyrocketing in the U.S. in recent years, and Lula was quite popular in the late 19th century, which makes it ripe for a revival. (Check out the graphs for "Emma," "Grace" and any permutation of "Lil" if that trend isn't obvious to you.) If she went by Tallie or Lula and never, ever told anyone her middle names, I dare say that child would have an easier time of it than poor little Number 16 Bus Shelter.

I'm glad for her sake that Talula Does the Hula got a less embarrassing name, and frankly, I think her parents deserved the swift kick. But I don't know how I feel about government intervention into baby naming — especially when the government OKs "Violence." Readers, how about it? Are bully-magnet names a form of child abuse? Should the state step in? Let us know what you think — and tell us the worst baby names you've heard — in comments. (Note: Oranjello and Lemonjello, Chlamydia, Eczema, Vagina, etc. are racist and classist urban legends. Don't even bother.)

UPDATE, WE HAVE A WINNER: A terrific comments thread included such excellent questions as, why "don't we see more little girls and teens named Oprah?," a father who accidentally named his child Brittany Spears (ooops! He did it five years before she hit), gripes about kr8tive spellyng, and several votes in favor of out-of-the ordinary names. But we wanted to choose a winner. And Leeandra Nolting, you get points for volume AND style. Please email broadsheet@salon.com so we can send you a special prize. Below, LN's entry for the worst baby names she's heard gets props as our letter of the day:

Dejoneria — This was the unfortunate name of a very nice girl in one of my freshman comp. classes. It was pronounced de-zhan-AIR-e-a, but at first glance the girl appeared to be named after a cross between mustard and VD.

Tequila Yeager — a little girl in one of my mother's preschool classes. "Yeager" is a very common last name in my hometown and there's not much you can do about that, but it is still a bad idea to name your child after what you were drinking when she was conceived.

Strawberri — This is the name of the very nice girl behind the counter at the McDonald's on Canal and Royal in New Orleans.

Quo Vadis — There were several students at the University of New Orleans named misspelled variations of this.

Beatle — The unfortunate name of a little girl in a friend's third grade class. Yes, her parents were Beatles fans. Apparently, Paula/Pauline/Paulette, Georgia/Georgine/Georgette, the many female variations of "John," and Eleanor, Pam, Penny, Julia, Martha, Rita, Prudence, Lucy, etc. were all considered unsuitable tributes to the Fab Four. /s/ Leeandra Nolting

[Kate Harding (by her own description) is a Chicago-based writer, editor, crazy dog person, humorless feminist, aspiring yoga teacher, recovering grad student, and blonde. She also a contributor to Fatshionista, Shakesville, and Salon’s Broadsheet.]

Copyright © 2008 Salon Media Group, Inc.


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