Monday, August 11, 2008

The Dubster's Presidential Libary (His Pronunciation): All Rooms, No Books!

This blog's Upper Midwest correspondent, Tom Terrific, forwarded an e-joke that was LOL funny. In fact, this blog has an affinity for any mockery of The Dubster. If this is a (fair & balanced) archive of nonsense, so be it.

[x e-Jokes]
The Dubster's Libary
Forwarded By Tom Terrific

The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages.

The Library will include the following 15 venues and a search tool:

  1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.

  2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.

  3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.

  4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.

  5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

  6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.

  7. The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.

  8. The 'Tax Cut' Room, with entry only to the wealthy.

  9. The 'Economy Room,' which is in the toilet.

  10. The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you to go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.

  11. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shotgun gallery.

  12. The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.

  13. The Supremes Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.

  14. The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.

  15. The 'Decider Room' complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.
The museum will also have an electron microscope to help you locate the President's accomplishments.

[Tom Terrific is a retired history educator in Cheeseland with a fondness for the Forward-option in Yahoo Mail.]

Copyright © 2008 Anonymous


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Live Green, Then Crash & Burn?

The last several weeks have found this blogger viewing DVD rentals from Blockbuster. The viewing project was the HBO series, "Six Feet Under," that ran for 5 seasons (2001-2005). The series revolved around a family-operated mortuary in Pasadena, California. Toward the end of the series (the last two seasons), the issue of green funerals penetrated this viewer's consciousness. With the realization that — with family members buried hither and yon — there is no "family plot" for my (rootless and plotless) remains, this blogger signed up with a prepaid cremation service. True to its name, "The Neptune Society," will scatter my cremains (not ashes in reality or in the eyes of the law) out in the Gulf of Mexico off the Florida coast where "The Neptune Society" maintains its corporate headquarters. So, at the end, there will be a small amount of marine pollution, but it will be quicker and less expensive than the traditional burial. No sooner did I finish watching the final show of "Six Feet Under," than I encountered Pablo Päster's (environmental column in Salon: "Ask Pablo") discussing the environmental consequences of our endgames. If this is a (fair & balanced) way of making an ash of yourself, so be it.

[x Salon]
After The Grim Reaper Arrives, What's The Greenest Way To...(Go)?
By Pablo Päster

Dear Pablo,

Q: If you want to have the smallest impact on the environment when you go, which do you choose: cremation or burial?

A: At first I thought this topic was too morbid for my upbeat and positive column. But then I received an almost identical question a week later and I realized every one of my readers has something in common, namely they all die someday. And since most people are reading this column because of their care for the environment (or to deny climate change and proclaim that the world is flat) it follows that my readers want to not only live green but die green. (I ought to copyright that.)

Some have realized this opportunity before me, and several companies offer green burial or body disposal options. But before we explore those, let's look at the initial question: cremation or burial? While there are carbon-dioxide emissions associated with cremation, the decay of a buried body in the absence of oxygen creates about the same amount of methane, which is 21 times more harmful to the climate than carbon dioxide. Pair that with the issue that valuable land is used up for burial and I think cremation wins. Add to that the impact of embalming, which involves the use of toxic and carcinogenic formaldehyde, or the less toxic glutaraldehyde. In many states, open-casket funerals require embalming, but if you opt for a closed casket, pine box and cremation, you can avoid the use of toxic chemicals.

In addition to any embalming chemicals introduced, our bodies contain so many chemicals and heavy metals that they can be considered hazardous waste under many definitions. Cremation may release dioxin and mercury into the atmosphere, while burial allows them to leach into groundwater.

According to GreenBurials.org, most people polled through the AARP Web site would prefer a green burial instead of a traditional burial or cremation. Green burials entail those that avoid embalming, use biodegradable caskets, and involve a green cemetery such as the GreenSprings Natural Cemetery in New York, Fernwood Cemetery in California or facilities that meet the Green Burial Council's standards, such as those holding a conservation easement on their land. One creative approach is taken by a Georgia company called Eternal Reefs, which mixes cremated remains (or "cremains") with concrete to produce artificial reefs that create habitat for numerous species.

A new method that has been used for years to dispose of roadkill has recently received a lot of press. Alkaline hydrolysis entails dissolving a body with lye, intense heat and pressure in a steel cylinder. The idea of flushing the resulting liquid -- it resembles motor oil -- down the drain sounds disgusting, but the method is a sanitary and environmentally friendly alternative, according to its advocates. Currently no funeral home offers this option, and it is legal in only a few states, including New Hampshire and Minnesota. A bill to legalize the process in New York was dubbed the "Hannibal Lecter Bill."

Ultimately the decision around the disposal of your body is a very personal one that needs to be carefully weighed. Luckily several environmentally friendly options are available, and you are likely to find one that meets your personal environmental values.

[Pablo Päster earned a B.S. in Engingeering from the California Polytechnic State University-San Luis Obispo and an MBA at the Presidio School of Management. Päster is a VP at ClimateCHECK in San Francisco and a freelance writer at Salon. His column, "Ask Pablo," appears on alternate weeks in Salon.]

Copyright © 2008 Salon Media Group, Inc.


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