Another First! VideoBlog? Why Imus Was Fired?

Today I learned that the Austin fishwrap censored Garry Trudeau's strip — "Doonesbury" — by deleting the first two panels that portrayed the POTUS using the barnyard language that is as integral to his speech as it was to The Trickster in days of yore. The Austin fishwrap runs "Doonesdbury" in the Sunday funnies; my former daily, the Amarillo fishwrap, ran "Doonesbury" in the Opinion section and never on Sunday. Thus, the editors of the Austin fishwrap elected to bowdlerize "Doonesbury" because Garry Trudeau had the POTUS wondering what had become of Karl Rove — aka "Turd Blossom" — to his smartmouth boss. The "Doonesbury" strip then provides a stroll down memory lane in review of all of Rove's masterstrokes in trashing great people from Ann Richards, to John McCain, to Max Cleland, and ending with John Kerry.

Thanks to YouTube, it's possible that Rove or "Turdblossom" (your choice) may have added one more notch to his political hits: Don Imus. Click on the video and listen to a CSpan caller venture that Imus was fired — not for his racist comments about the Rutgers women hoopsters — but for his constant reference to the POTUS and the VP as "war criminals." If Karl Rove could mastermind the smearing of Ann Richards, John McCain, Max Cleland, and John Kerry, the destruction of Don Imus would have been child's play. Imagine the POTUS chortling over Turd Blossom's work and it's not a fantasy that Imus was a victim of Rove's Big Lie operation. If this is (fair & balanced) paranoia, so be it.

Cick on image to enlarge © Garry Trudeau 2007


© CSPANJUNKIEdotORG 2007

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Another Florida Humorist: Bruce Beattie!

Click on image to enlarge. Copyright © 2007 Daytona Beach News-Journal

Bruce Beattie, creator of BEATTIE BLVD., began his cartooning career in the political realm. He joined the Daytona Beach News-Journal in Florida as editorial cartoonist in 1981 and today is syndicated to hundreds of newspapers.

In 1986, he launched a cartoon panel called "Snafu," which later became BEATTIE BLVD., and in 1997 began distribution through the Los Angeles Times Syndicate. In 1992 and 1995 BEATTIE BLVD. was a finalist for the National Cartoonists Society's "Best Cartoon Panel" award.

In addition to syndication, Beattie's cartoons have been featured on "Meet the Press," in the New York Times, New York Daily News, Detroit News, Milwaukee Journal and in several museum exhibits. He won the 1995 South Florida Society of Professional Journalists' Excellence in Journalism award, among numerous other honors.

Beattie is a past president of the National Cartoonists Society, the largest organization of professional cartoonists in the world. He has served on the Board of Directors of the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists, the Newspaper Features Council, and the International Museum of Cartoon Art. He is featured in the 1995 book A Career in the Comics, and other cartoon publications.

Bruce Beattie is the editorical cartoonist for the Daytona Beach fishwrap. He deserves a Pulitzer Prize. Because I needed practice in posting images to this blog after a one-year, hiatus, this is a twofer and if (fair & balanced) admiration enters the mix, so be it.

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Which Is An Oxymoron: Texas Democrat Or Oklahoma Intellectual?

The resident redneck curmudgeon who writes thrice-weekly columns in the Austin fishwrap doesn't always hit a dinger, but today's offering was a winner. Miami may have Dave Barry and Carl Hiassen, but Austin has had Kelso aince 1976. Today's column is a bit parochial. (The snake reference involved a python thrown through a Taco Bell drive up window at a poor order taker who was ophidiophobic. The perps drove away in a white Dodge pickup and are still at large.) If this is (fair & balanced) japery, so be it.

[x Austin Fishwrap]
If you think the snake needs to see a shrink, you're a Democrat
By John Kelso

Is it genetically possible to be a Dallas Democrat?

Isn't that like claiming to be an Oklahoma intellectual?

Still, up in Dallas, where calling someone snooty is a compliment, some politicians are jumping ship from the Republican to Democratic Party, thinking, I guess, that the Republican ship is going blub blub blub. Leading the charge from right to left — literally — are state Rep. Kirk England and Dallas County Criminal Court Judge John Creuzot. Creuzot is doing the political hokeypokey. A few years back, he changed from Democrat to Republican. Now he's switching back to Democrat.

So he pulled his left foot in, stuck his right foot out, then he pulled his right foot back in and stuck his left foot out. No word on whether he shook it all about. If he shook it all about, he's not a Republican.

Swell, but are these guys really qualified to call themselves Democrats? Or are they still Republicans posing as Democrats so they can keep their jobs? And how do you tell whether you're really a Democrat or a Republican?

If I were in charge, I wouldn't let any elected official in Texas change parties until he explained his position on the following:

If you think the punks who threw the python at the kid working at the Taco Bell drive-through up in Round Rock should do time for assault, you're a Republican. If you think the punks should go to jail for psychological damage done to the snake, you're a Democrat. If you think the snake should go in for counseling, you're really a Democrat.

If you turn down the air conditioner because it's too cold, you're a Republican. If you turn down the air conditioner because Al Gore said so, you're a Democrat.

If you like all the lofts shooting up all over downtown Austin because you think it'll conserve land for bird habitat, you're a Democrat. If you like all the expensive lofts going up in downtown Austin because it will relocate all the riffraff from valuable urban real estate to the trailer parks in Hays County, you're a Republican.

If you drive past a head shop and think, "Those dirty hippies ought to be held down and given a bath," you're a Republican. If you drive past a head shop and think, "I wonder if this store carries a wide selection of hemp products and maybe the Zig-Zag squares," you're a Democrat.

If you thought hanging Saddam Hussein might have violated his rights, you're a Democrat. If you think they should dig him up and hang him again, you're a Republican.

If you're appalled by Austin's new toll roads, you're a Democrat. If you think to yourself, "Boy, I wish I owned one of these new toll roads," you're a Republican.

John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 512-445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com (e-mail).

John Kelso, a native of New England (NH or VT) is not a Texan; he got here as fast as he could, though. Kelso served in the U. S. Army during the Nam era, but he spent his time on an army post in Germany. Kelso's journalism major gained him the humor column in the post newspaper. After military service, Kelso worked on the West Palm Beach (FL) fishwrap as the outdoor writer and moved on as a journalist-gypsy to Wisconsin. While in America's Dairyland, he received a call from his former boss in Florida; Rich Oppel had moved on to Austin from West Palm to take the reins of the Austin fishwrap. In 1976, Kelso arrived in Austin where he now reigns as the resident redneck curmudgeon three times each week.

© 2007 The Austin American-Statesman

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