This blogger has been pretty tough on faux-redneck John Kelso's columns in the Austin Fishwrap. However, Kelso has hit a winner today in going after that Leader of the Dumbos: The Big Fat Idiot (BFI — thanks, Senator Al Franken). This blogger hates The BFI and is sorry there isn't more of him. If The BFI were elected POTUS (talk about nightmares!), he'd would probably want to be paid by the pound. If this is (fair & balanced) bloodlust, so be it.
[x Austin Fishwrap]
Limbaugh Wants Country To Fail? I want Limbaugh To Fall!
By John Kelso
Tag Cloud of the following article
Let me apologize to Rush Limbaugh in advance, because that's what everybody does when they go after him.
So Rush, I'm sorry I'm going to kick your butt.
I'm challenging Rush Limbaugh to a boxing match.
The reason I'm doing this? It's the only way I can give him a shot to the head without going to prison.
Yeah, I realize Limbaugh has a reach advantage. You can tell by looking at him he can reach all the way across the table. The only exercise this guy gets is seconds.
This idea to box Limbaugh came to mind when Limbaugh challenged President Barack Obama to a debate. I seriously doubt the president is stupid enough to stoop to the level of debating a radio guy. I, on the other hand, have a dignity shortage.
Not that I want to debate Rush Limbaugh. I've already heard what he has to say, and once was more than enough.
What he said is that he wants Obama to fail. Of course, he'd deny it. But by saying this, what he's really saying is that he wants the country to fail, and by extension you and me to fail.
Here's what Limbaugh is really saying when he says he wants the president to fail.
He wants the American economy to continue to tank.
He wants you to lose your job and the unemployment rate to keep going up.
He wants you to be unable to afford to make house payments, and for you to lose your home.
He wants things to get so bad that you can't afford to send your kid to college.
In short, to attract listeners to his radio show and to make his agenda look good, Limbaugh is willing for the country to collapse. If that's not un-American, then I'm Mike Tyson.
This is my challenge to Limbaugh . You and me in the ring for 10 rounds. You've got to keep your shirt on, though. We don't want to scare the children.
I figure we can have the bout out behind Giddy Ups, the beer joint way down Manchaca Road just down the street from my house. They've got a really big yard out back, and with Limbaugh you need a really BIG yard.
We can sell tickets and give the money to charity. Limbaugh can even donate his take to his favorite charity, the wealthy out at some Palm Beach country club.
What's Limbaugh got to be afraid of? If I get lucky and smack him a good one, he'll probably have plenty of painkillers in his trunks. Besides, in a few months I'll be old enough to be eligible for Medicare. If there's any money left by then.
So bring it on, oh pounds of fun. It's the geezer vs. the wheezer. I figure if I can't knock you over I can at least run your behind around enough to shut you up for a couple of minutes. ♥
[Downeaster (Maine-native) John Kelso has worked for the Austin (Texas) American-Statesman as a humor columnist since 1977. Before coming to Austin, Kelso worked at several newspapers: The Manchester (N.H.) Union-Leader; The Boonville (Mo.) Daily News; The Palm Beach (Fla.) Post, and the Racine (Wis.) Journal Times. Kelso has been a general assignment reporter, a copy editor, a sports editor, and an outdoor writer. As a pretend-redneck, Kelso is all gimme cap and no double-wide. His redneck-shtik appears thrice weekly: Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays in the Austin Fishwrap.]
Copyright © 2009 Austin American-Statesman
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Copyright © 2009 Sapper's (Fair & Balanced) Rants & Raves
