¡Vaya Con El Dios (DeTu Elección), Kelso!

The blogger learned at a literature prof's knee (and other low joints) that you become an adult when you realize that you are going to die. John Kelso, the humor columnist for the Austin Fishwrap, is about to become the tumor columnist because ol' Kelso recently got the news that he's got an 86-88% chance of surviving cancer for 5 years. The oncologists call it a cure if you make the 5-year-mark without a return of the tumor(s). Hook 'em, Kelso. If this is (fair & balanced) stoicism, so be it.

[x Austin Fishwrap]
Here's Hoping This Big C Stuff Is Outta Here By Football Season
By John Kelso

Tag Cloud of the following article

although armstrong austin better cancer checked col'beer common designed diagnosed dietary drink em explains going gone happen hell hoping keep kill lance longhorns looked lot mask minutes month mouth normal north notice odd photo prayers radiation sausage six sore stuff supplement sympathy telling tests things tongue treatment unusual weeks wrap

created at TagCrowd.com

There aren't many funny things that happen when you find out you've got cancer, but I've got one I can share with you.

When I first went in to one of my two family doctors to have the hot spot under my tongue checked out, he looked in my mouth and said he couldn't see anything unusual.Then he checked my charts, and gave me a prostate exam.

I'm thinking, "Buddy, wrong end."

So Lance Armstrong and I now have two things in common. We both know how to ride a bike, although he's better at it than I am. And we've both been diagnosed with cancer, although he's over his. And I may be over mine, Or not.

That's why Monday I began six weeks of radiation treatment.

I'm not telling you this for your sympathy, although prayers and well wishes are accepted. I'm telling you this so you'll know what's going on. If there's a column missing now and then, you'll know why.

This started when I noticed a nagging sore way back in my mouth, underneath my tongue. I've had these before, but this was more persistent than most.

Folks, if you notice something odd like that, get it checked out, and get it checked out yesterday. If I hadn't, I'd be in a lot worse shape than I am now. Because I hopped on it real quick, the tumor never got that big. I caught it at the first stage.

It's now gone. That explains the scar on my neck, which is mostly healed up. For a few weeks there, a steak for me was no more than a photo opportunity.

As the cliché goes, the tests showed they got it all. Except there may be some microscopic stuff they couldn't see in the tests still lurking about. That explains the radiation, which is designed to kill off whatever's left.

They say the outlook is good — 86-88 percent.

I'm not looking forward to the radiation, First of all, it means I have to drive to hell and gone to North Austin on Monday through Friday for about six weeks, have this weird mesh mask fitted over my face, and get zapped in the mouth for a few minutes. They tell me for the first four weeks I won't notice much.

They also tell me that for the last two weeks of treatment, and for the two weeks after, I'll suffer the sore throat from hell. I'll be trying to drink a lot of dietary supplement drinks to try to keep my weight up. Is col'beer a dietary supplement? And don't be inviting me out for barbecue during that month or I'll have to slap you.

Here's hoping everything's back to normal when the Longhorns kick off in September. My goal is to be able to eat a sausage wrap at a tailgate party by the home opener. Hook 'em. Ω

[Downeaster (Maine-native) John Kelso has worked for the Austin (Texas) American-Statesman as a humor columnist since 1977. Before coming to Austin, Kelso worked at several newspapers: The Manchester (NH) Union-Leader; The Boonville (MO) Daily News; The Palm Beach (FL) Post, and the Racine (WI.) Journal Times. Kelso has been a general assignment reporter, a copy editor, a sports editor, and an outdoor writer. As a pretend-redneck, Kelso is all gimme cap and no double-wide. His redneck-shtik appears thrice weekly: Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays in the Austin Fishwrap.]

Copyright © 2009 Austin American-Statesman

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Copyright © 2009 Sapper's (Fair & Balanced) Rants & Raves

Mama Don't Take My Kodachrome Away (For A Second Time)

Back in 09/22/08 (You can look it up in blog archive in the left-side menu.), this blog featured an AP story about the demise of Kodachrome film by the Eastman Kodak Company. If once is good, twice is nice. Here is a reprise of the farewell to Kodachrome film (and all the crap you learned in high school). If this is (fair & balanced) redundancy, so be it.

[x YouTube/Ann6079 Channel]
"Kodachrome" (1973)
By Paul Simon

When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder I can think at all
And though my lack of education hasn't hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall
Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away....

___________________________
[x AP]
Kodak Will Retire Kodachrome, Its Oldest Color Film Stock
By The Associated Press

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1950s 60s abraham afghan assassination away business color company cover digital donate dropped durability eastman enjoyed far favored film form fraction girl give hellyar images introduced kodachrome kodak mccurry mr ms oldest percent photo photofinishing possible president request retire rochester sales several simon steps stock taken think widely world years

created at TagCrowd.com

Sorry, Paul Simon. Kodak is taking Kodachrome away.

The Eastman Kodak Company announced Monday it would retire Kodachrome, its oldest film stock, because of declining customer demand in a digital age.

It was the world’s first commercially successful color film, immortalized in Mr. Simon’s song in 1973: “They give us those nice bright colors. They give us the greens of summers. Makes you think all the world’s a sunny day. ... So, Mama, don’t take my Kodachrome away.”

It enjoyed its heyday in the 1950s and ’60s, but in recent years sales have dropped to just a fraction of 1 percent of the company’s total sales of still-picture films.

“It really has become kind of an icon,” said Mary Jane Hellyar, the departing president of Kodak’s Film, Photofinishing and Entertainment Group.

The company, which is based in Rochester, now gets about 70 percent of its revenue from its digital business, but plans to stay in the film business “as far into the future as possible,” Ms. Hellyar said.

Kodak has seven new professional still films and several new motion picture films introduced in the last few years.

Kodachrome was favored by still and movie photographers for its rich but realistic tones, vibrant colors and durability.

It was the basis not only for countless family slide shows but also for world-renowned images, including Abraham Zapruder’s 8-millimeter reel of President John F. Kennedy’s assassination on November 22, 1963.

The widely recognized portrait of an Afghan refugee girl that appeared on the cover of National Geographic in 1985, taken by Steve McCurry, was shot on Kodachrome. At Kodak’s request, Mr. McCurry will shoot one of the last rolls of Kodachrome film and donate the images to the George Eastman House museum in Rochester, which honors the company’s founder.

Unlike any other color film, Kodachrome, introduced 74 years ago, is purely black and white when exposed. The three primary colors that mix to form the spectrum are added in three development steps rather than built into its layers. Because of the complexity, only Dwayne’s Photo, in Parsons, KS, still processes Kodachrome film. The lab has agreed to continue through 2010, Kodak said. Ω

Copyright © 2009 The Associated Press

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Copyright © 2009 Sapper's (Fair & Balanced) Rants & Raves

Election Fraud In Tallahassee, Er, Tehran!

The gang that couldn't shoot straight, but could steal an election with the best of 'em, is apoplectic over the vote fraud in Iran. It's OK in The Sunshine State, but not in Tehran. Election fraud in 2000 is no better than election fraud in 2009. Mobs in Tehran and mobs in Broward County are cut from the same cloth. If this is (fair & balanced) Dumbo hypocrisy (Is there any other kind?), so be it.

[x Salon]
Obama's Callous Indifference To Plight Of Iranians Appalling!
By Tom Tomorrow (Dan Perkins)

Click on image to enlarge. Ω

Tom Tomorrow/Dan Perkins

[Dan Perkins is an editorial cartoonist better known by the pen name "Tom Tomorrow". His weekly comic strip, "This Modern World," which comments on current events from a strong liberal perspective, appears regularly in approximately 150 papers across the U.S., as well as on Salon and Working for Change. The strip debuted in 1990 in SF Weekly.

Perkins, a long time resident of Brooklyn, New York, currently lives in Connecticut. He received the Robert F. Kennedy Award for Excellence in Journalism in both 1998 and 2002.

When he is not working on projects related to his comic strip, Perkins writes a daily political weblog, also entitled "This Modern World," which he began in December 2001.]

Copyright © 2009 Salon Media Group, Inc.

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