Andrew (Andy) Borowitz imagines a side-effect from extensive redaction-work in progress in the office of the Attorney General of the United States — William Barr huffing fumes from the ink in the Sharpie Markers. Perhaps Barr went into a psychedelic state as he maniacally ran markers over line after line in the 400-page report. If this is a (fair & balanced) explanation of behavior of current Cabinet officers, so be it.
[x New Yorker]
Redaction Of Mueller Report Halted As Barr Passes Out From Sharpie Fumes
By Andrew (Andy) Borowitz
TagCrowd Cloud provides a visual summary of the following piece of writing
The redaction of the Mueller report stalled on Monday after the Attorney General, William Barr, passed out from inhaling fumes from multiple Sharpie markers.
Barr, who had been working around the clock to redact the report before its release, reportedly lost consciousness while trying to black out a seventy-four-page section detailing Donald Trump, Jr.,’s contacts with more than three dozen Russian individuals.
“You cannot use that many Sharpies, for hours on end, without proper ventilation,” a Justice Department staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity, said. “This was a disaster waiting to happen.”
The insentient Barr was rushed to Walter Reed medical center, where a grim-faced hospital spokesperson described his condition as “Ben Carson–like.”
At the White House, the press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, offered a more upbeat assessment. “We expect Attorney General Barr to make a swift and full recovery, so that he can get to work on the President’s taxes,” she said. ###
[Andrew (Andy) Borowitz is the creator the Borowitz Report, a Web site that is a lot funnier than the stuff posted by Matt Drudge and his ilk. Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears regularly in The New Yorker. He is the first winner of the National Press Club's humor award and has won seven Dot-Comedy Awards for his web site. His most recent book (and Amazon's Best Kindle Single of the Year) is An Unexpected Twist (2012). Borowitz received a BA, magna cum laude (English) from Harvard University (MA).]
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