Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Charlie McCarthyism?

One of the great scams in entertainment history was perpetrated by Edgar Bergen who took his ventriloquist act to the non-visual medium of radio. From December 17, 1937 to July 1, 1956, Bergen's weekly radio show featured the ventriloquist (as straight man), a cast of puppets (Charlie McCarthy, Mortimer Snerd, and Effie Klinker), and a celebrity guest each week. The incredible irony of Edgar Bergen's radio show is that ventriloquism depends on the non-movement of the speaker's lips so that it appears that the puppet is speaking. On the radio, no one knew if Bergen's lips were moving. 'Tis a pity that Edgar Bergen never discovered Williamson County here in Texas because there are plenty of dummies living there. If this is (fair & balanced) voice projection, so be it.

[x Mother Goose & Grimm]
By Mike Peters

A Confederacy Of Dunces:
Charlie McCarthy, Howdy Doodie, and Pinnochio

[Mike Peters is an cartoonist who draws the popular comic strip "Mother Goose and Grimm," as well as syndicated editorial cartoons that appear in papers all over the United States. He won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial cartooning in 1981. His home paper is the Dayton Daily News in Dayton, Ohio.

As a joke, he once stood on the building ledge outside the Daily News building for thirty minutes wearing a Superman costume so that he could make an entrance to a meeting through the window in the manner of TV actor George Reeves entering Perry White's office on "The Adventures of Superman."]

Copyright © 2008 Mike Peters

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Say Or Press "One" For A LOL Experience

One of the great delights of modern life is the automated call system which greets a caller with "Please listen carefully as this menu has changed." This is the 21st century equivalent of "Abandon hope all ye who enter here." Seth Freeman isn't Dante, but his humorous piece on the automated call system is divine. If this is (fair & balanced) technology gone amuck, so be it.

[x NY Fiswrap]
On A Ring And A Prayer
By Seth Freeman

Please listen carefully as this menu has changed.

For English press or say “One.” Para espaƱol oprima o diga “Dos.” For all other languages press or say “Three.”

One.

Thank you for your interest in our service. If this is a true spiritual emergency, please hang up and dial the number on the upper left-hand corner of the mailing label of your last solicitation. Otherwise, please stay on the line and your prayers will be answered in the order in which they were received.

All right, let’s get started. For prayers of repentance press or say “Two.” For prayers of supplication press or say “Three.” For prayers of forgiveness press or say “Four.” For prayers of serenity press or say “Five.” For all other prayers press or say “Six.”

I guess...Er...Supplic — three. Three. [3]

I think you said, “Two.” Is this correct?

No.

I think you said, “No.” Is this correct?

Yes.

O.K., let’s try that again. For prayers of repentance press or say “Two.” For prayers of supplication press or say “Three.” For prayers —

Three.

— of forgiveness —

Three! [3] [3]

— say “Four.” For prayers of serenity press or say “Five.” For all other prayers press or say “Six.”

Three.

I think you said, “Three.” Is this correct?

Yes. Correct. Yes.

All right, let me see if I can help you. Please say the category for which you are supplicating. For example, if you are praying for help with a personal life problem, say “Problem.” If you are praying for a material object like a new Lexus, say “Car.”

Uh.

I’m sorry. I didn’t understand your answer. Please repeat your answer slowly and clearly.

It’s hard to describe. Things no longer make ... sense ...

I think you said, “Vengeance.” Is this correct?

No.

Good, because Vengeance is mine. Please repeat your answer slowly and clearly.

Prob. Lem.

I think you said, “Problem.” Is this correct?

Yes. Correct.

Thank you. Let me connect you to that department.

[Hold music: Pachelbel, “Canon in D” — tenor sax version (Kenny G)]

Please stay on the line. Your prayer is important to us. Your wait time is approximately seven minutes.

[Hold music]

We’re sorry you are still on hold. We appreciate your patience and look forward to being of service.

[Hold music]

Thank you for holding. We apologize for the inconvenience. Please state the problem for which you would like help. For example, if you would like help healing someone who is sick, you could say, “Illness.” If you would like help in making a woman who barely knows that you exist become interested in you romantically, you could say, “Wingman.”

No more menus.

I’m sorry. I didn’t understand your answer. Please state the problem for which you would like help.

I want help without having to go through six levels of options.

I think you said you would like help with sexual dysfunction. Is this correct?

No.

I think you said, “No.” Is this correct?

Yes.

O.K, please restate your problem. Speak slowly and clearly —

I’m sick of these menus.

I think you said you would like help curing a sickness. Is this correct?

No, no, these menus are driving me crazy.

I think you said you would like help dealing with a mental illness. Is this correct?

No. No, no!

I’m having difficulty understanding the problem for which you are seeking help. Please state your problem slowly and clearly.

My problem is ... I ... forgot why I called.

I think you said you no longer recall your problem. Is this correct?

I guess. I don’t know. Yes.

Excellent. We are pleased to have been of service. How else can we provide you with a wonderful day?

[Seth Freeman has been a writer for eight different television shows, including "Lou Grant" and "The Waltons." Freeman received a Bachelor of Music from the Berklee College of Music in Boston. In 1979, Freeman received an Emmy for "Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series" (a "Lou Grant" episode).]

Copyright © 2008 The New York Times Company

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The Dark Side Of Tomorrow

Last week, BBC's "World Have Your Say" spent a week in my backyard. The first remote broadcast took place on the Williamson County Square, about 30 miles north of where this blogger slaves over a hot keyboard. Williamson County is one of the reddest of the Red Counties in the Lone Star State and has been a Dumbo stronghold since the late 1960s. The Brit moderator of the international call-in show, Ros Atkins, spoke with passersby on the Courthouse Square and asked both men and women about the results of the '08 election. Atkins asked, "How do you feel after the election?" The universal response from the mostly Dumbo residents was that they felt "very afraid." During this blogger's 3-year sojourn in Williamson County in Geezer City, he felt very afraid of the Birchers and the True Republican Women. The Green Zone in Baghdad is an oasis of calm and rationality compared to Williamson County. Today's 'toon by Tom Tomorrow taps into that Dumbo "fear." If this is (fair & balanced) fear & loathing of Dumbos, so be it.

[x Salon]
This Modern World
By Tom Tomorrow (Dan Perkins)

Click on image to enlarge.

Tom Tomorrow/Dan Perkins

[Dan Perkins is an editorial cartoonist better known by the pen name "Tom Tomorrow". His weekly comic strip, "This Modern World," which comments on current events from a strong liberal perspective, appears regularly in approximately 150 papers across the U.S., as well as on Salon and Working for Change. The strip debuted in 1990 in SF Weekly.

Perkins, a long time resident of Brooklyn, New York, currently lives in Connecticut. He received the Robert F. Kennedy Award for Excellence in Journalism in both 1998 and 2002.

When he is not working on projects related to his comic strip, Perkins writes a daily political weblog, also entitled "This Modern World," which he began in December 2001.]

Copyright © 2008 Salon Media Group, Inc.

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