Saturday, May 25, 2013

What Scandals? The IRS, DOJ Wiretaps, & Beghazi Are Nothin' Compared To Argentine Bombshells & A Diaper Fetish (It Depends?)

Andy Borowitz is always good for a laugh and today's post is no exception. The Lamestream Media prattles about scandals and the cartoonists pile on with 'toons that show the POTUS 44 as The Trickster Redux. So Borowitz creates a "news report" that has Congressman Mark Sanford (R-SC) and Senator David Vitter (R-LA) scoffing at the POTUS 44 in midst of his scandals. Sanford, recently reborn after his Appalachian Trail hike was reelected with his Argentine Bombshell (María Belén Chapur), er, fiancée standing behind her man. It seems that when the scandal is adultery, the Dumbos have a game-plan. To wit, Senator David Vitter (R-LA) was forced to admit his connection to a DC-prostitution service in DC after his phone number appeared repeatedly in the seized records of the escort service. Vitter escaped criminal charges due to the statute of limitations in the case. After a week in seclusion, Vitter appeated at a news conference with his wife, Wendy — a TRW (True Republican Woman) — at his side. Vitter asked for forgiveness, but refused to answer questions. Later information alleged that Vitter was a diaper fetishist. Hence Borowitz'a account of Vitter's 3AM telephone call scenario. Sandford was returned to Congress by the wacko birds in the Palmetto State; Vitter was saved by the fact that — if he resigned — the non-Dumbo governor of the Sportsmen's Paradise would appoint a non-Dumbo replacement. The more you read, the more disgusting the Dumbo hypocrisy becomes. If this is (fair & balanced) disgust at the corruption of power, so be it.

[x New Yorker]
Republicans Question Whether Obama Could Handle Actual Scandal
By Andy Borowitz

Tag Cloud of the following article

created at

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Obama’s handling of controversies about the I.R.S., the Justice Department, and Benghazi has raised “grave doubts” about his ability to cope if he ever became involved in an actual scandal, prominent Republicans said today.

“If this is how he handles this stuff, Lord have mercy on him if he ever has to deal with a real scandal,” said newly elected Representative Mark Sanford (R-SC). “Quite frankly, I don’t think he has what it takes.”

“The true test of a leader is this,” Representative Sanford added. “When he gets in a fix, does he have the presence of mind to lie about his whereabouts? Sadly, I don’t think President Obama passes that test.”

Mr. Sanford’s concerns mirror those of another leading Republican lawmaker, Senator David Vitter (R-LA).

“If President Obama honestly thinks he’s dealing with scandals right now, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know what a scandal is,” Senator Vitter said. “And that’s very worrisome.”

“When you get that three A.M. phone call, and it’s a reporter claiming that a prostitute said you like to dress up in a diaper, are you prepared for that call?” Senator Vitter said. “In the case of President Obama, I am afraid that the answer is no.” Ω

[Andy Borowitz is the creator the Borowitz Report, a Web site that is a lot funnier than the stuff posted by Matt Drudge and his ilk. Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears regularly in The New Yorker. He is the first winner of the National Press Club's humor award and has won seven Dot-Comedy Awards for his web site. His most recent book (and Amazon's Best Kindle Single of the Year) is An Unexpected Twist  (2012). Borowitz is a magna cum laude graduate of Harvard College.]

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