Tuesday, November 22, 2005

It Wouldn't Be A Thanksgiving Holiday If We Omitted The Biggest Turkey Of Them All

Dub would be funny if young people weren't dying or suffering unspeakable wounds because we have an idiot for a president. If this is (fair & balanced) hope for an end to this madness, so be it.

[x Newsweek]
Let’s Be Thankful: President Bush has much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving.
By Andy Borowitz

Nov. 22, 2005 - In a special pre-Thanksgiving radio address broadcast from the White House, President George W. Bush asked his fellow Americans to join him in giving thanks for the following things:

"My fellow Americans, let's be thankful for global warming, because as these winter months approach, it makes the world such a nice, toasty place.

"Let's be thankful to Brownie for doing such a good job, even if he doesn't have it anymore.

"Let's be thankful that we live in a place like America and not in a place like China where the doors are really tricky to open.

"Let's be thankful that even though my approval numbers are falling, they're still higher than my grades at Yale.

"Let's be thankful for the Sony PlayStation Portable, which really helps you get through those long cabinet meetings when they're going on and on about the economy.

"Let's be thankful that the year is almost over and I've managed to avoid talking to Cindy Sheehan.

"Let's be thankful that John Kerry waited until a year after the election to start saying smart things about Iraq.

"Let's be thankful to Rep. ‘Mean Jean’ Schmidt (R-Ohio) for saying, 'Cowards cut and run, but the brave serve in the Alabama National Guard.'

"Let's be thankful that in nine months it will be August and then I can go on summer vacation again.

"Let's be thankful that we have such courageous men and women working at the CIA, and that we all know their names.

"And finally, my fellow Americans, let's be thankful that, even though we still haven't brought Osama bin Laden to justice, we did finally get Robert Blake."

© 2005 Newsweek, Inc.


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The Dickster Takes The 6th

Here is a little more holiday satire at the expense of The Dickster. If only Prosecutor Fitzgerald will indict the sumbitch. If this is (fair & balanced) anticipation, so be it.

[x Borowitz Report]
CHENEY SEEKS SIXTH DEFERMENT: Veep Hopes to Secure Place in History
by Andy Borowitz

Vice President Dick Cheney announced plans today to seek an historic sixth draft deferment, realizing a longstanding personal dream of his.

Clutching his deferment application in his hand as he addressed reporters at the White House, a beaming Mr. Cheney said, “I am so close to getting this sixth deferment I can taste it.”

Washington insiders were surprised that the vice president chose this moment to seek a sixth deferment, with the debate over the war in Iraq at full throttle and Mr. Cheney’s lack of military service increasingly a target of his critics.

Furthermore, even without a deferment, Mr. Cheney would be unlikely to pass the routine physical necessary to serve in the military, since simple tasks like stepping out of a limousine or shaking hands with dignitaries leave him easily winded.

But according to vice presidential scholar Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, the vice president may be trying to secure his place in history by obtaining his latest deferment.

“FDR will go down in history as the only president elected to four terms,” Mr. Logsdon said. “Dick Cheney wants to be known as the only vice president with six deferments.”

At his White House press conference, the vice president snapped at a reporter who questioned why he was seeking a draft deferment at all when there was no draft at the present time.

“Better safe than sorry,” the vice president said.

Elsewhere, in order to keep details of her wedding from leaking to the press, pop star Christina Aguilera made all of her guests sign a confidentiality agreement and disinvited Lewis “Scooter” Libby.

Andy Borowitz is a former editor of The Harvard Lampoon. Borowitz has contributed more than twenty humor pieces to The New Yorker to date.

Copyright © 2005 Andy Borowitz


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Another View Of Academic Blogs

Until recently, it had never occurred to a graduate student that her blog and her professional fate might be connected. That thought occurred to me when I launched this blog on June 24, 2003. I had made the momentous decision (for me, in terms of time spent on development) to close down the Web site I maintained for my students at the Collegium Excellens and move to WebCT. WebCT is a suite of course management applications that was licensed by the Collegium. I saw that WebCT provided more for students than my Web site. However, there was a void in my life when WebCT replaced my Web site. At that time, I saw an announcement about Blogger and I signed up. I kept the existence of this blog private because I knew that some of my ranting & raving (even though fair & balanced) might offend the High Poo Bahs of the Collegium, or worse: some local citizen who would complain to one of the Regents about something they read in my blog. So, I kept the blog private and it went unlisted in the Blogger directory. A month or so ago, I reviewed my Blogger settings and changed this blog from private to public. I am beyond the grasp of the forces of evil at the Collegium; I severed the last link to that place within the past fortnight. I am beyond their wretched grasp. If this is a (fair & balanced) braggadocio, so be it.

[x CHE]
Do Not Fear the Blog
By Rebecca Anne Goetz

My blog, "(a)musings of a grad student," was born one day in July of 2002 when my then-boyfriend suggested I start one. I suspect he was slightly sick of listening to my running political commentary, and a blog seemed an ideal channel for my complaints. So with little effort and a crash course in basic HTML, I had my own Web-based publication, subtitled (appropriately, as it turns out), "reflections on an academic life, plus politics and more."

In the beginning I had five loyal readers: the boyfriend, my father, my mother, and my grandfather, who periodically printed out posts and brought them dutifully for my grandmother to read.

My blog inhabited a quiet, slightly dusty corner of the blogosphere. My posts were occasional meditations on the politics of the day, interesting primary sources, fun news articles, rants about graduate-student life, quick research notes, together with some thoughts about the plot arcs of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I lurked on the edges of an increasingly vibrant scholarly community overflowing with posts on what it meant to be an academic, current research, teaching dilemmas and successes, and other day-to-day experiences of people in my profession. For me blogging was a professionally pleasant hobby. I could ruminate at will on what was going on in my academic and political lives.

Initially I was semi-pseudonymous. I blogged under my own name but hid my affiliation until a blogger at another university referred to Harvard as a bastion of grade inflation. I defended my university enthusiastically and thus blew my cover. The sky did not fall. I don't think my small but growing audience even noticed. I did enjoy my status as a graduate-student pundit in history: It was a happy day when "(a)musings of a grad student" became the first thing that popped up when I Googled myself.

Installing a site meter was even more fun. At first visitors just dribbled by to the tune of 5 or 10 a day; now I get an average of 50 visitors a day. I was even invited to begin blogging at "Cliopatria," a group blog for historians. I felt slightly overwhelmed — two places to blog instead of one! What could I do with such riches?

It never occurred to me that there might be a connection between my blog and my professional fate. I considered myself simply a historian in training who commented sporadically online about her experiences.

But over the summer, as I began contemplating the job market, I started to wonder what role my blog would play in the process, if any. Should I list it on my CV or on my department's job-placement Web site? It isn't a publication, really, more of a scholarly activity that isn't always scholarly. In the end, I decided that since I don't list my swim team on my CV, then my other extracurricular activities, the blog included, didn't belong there either.

That settled the question, until the pseudonymous Ivan Tribble's two anti-blogging columns were published in the summer (The Chronicle, July 8) and early fall (The Chronicle, September 2). The effect of those columns, both of which strongly cautioned graduate students and junior faculty members against blogging, trickled into other parts of my job search in alarming ways.

Shortly after Professor Tribble's second column, a campus career counselor advised several of my fellow job-hunters and me to limit our online presences, because, she said, The Chronicle had published articles saying it was a bad idea. (I assume she meant Tribble's columns.)

She advised Googling ourselves to see what was out there and further suggested removing questionable items about ourselves from the Web. (She was less specific about how one goes about removing things from the Web.) Any online content, she said, should be completely professional. If you have a Web site, make sure you don't put up pictures of your pets. (Oops.)

Like many bloggers disturbed by Tribble's columns, I was seized by a fit of metablogging. Why do I blog? What benefit do I derive from it? Does anything in my blog somehow make me a less desirable job candidate? Have I blogged myself out of academe without even realizing it?

In answering those questions to my own satisfaction, if not Ivan Tribble's, I came to understand the nature and the value of the academic blogging community.

I blog first and foremost because it is downright fun to participate in an emerging media form. Blogs and the blogosphere are new concepts, and the possibilities for scholarly communication are endless and exciting. Because I blog I now have contacts, online and offline, with a variety of scholars inside and outside my field. They don't particularly care that my dissertation is not yet done; the typical hierarchies of the ivory tower break down in the blogosphere so that even graduate students can be public intellectuals of a kind.

Professor Tribble lamented that blogs are not peer-reviewed and wrote that that was one reason why their content was illegitimate. While it is true that the author of a blog decides what she publishes on her blog, she does not blog in a vacuum. Other bloggers can — and do! — react to faulty logic or misinformation.

Bloggers write about the rewards and pitfalls of teaching, the difficulties of putting together syllabi, and the solutions for odd classroom situations. They write about research dilemmas, forthcoming conference papers, and publishing problems and successes.

I bring my own research issues to my blog on occasion; I wrote a few months ago about a dilemma I was having about counting godparents in early Virginia wills. I received e-mail messages from several people recounting their own counting experiences and offering helpful suggestions. I have come to believe that those online exchanges build better, more involved scholars who have a wide circle of blog-colleagues.

Moreover, my post on Virginia wills was recognized on the History Carnival (see http://historycarnival.blogsome.com). Carnivals are the periodicals of the blogosphere. History carnivals, the brand I have the most experience with, are open to blog posts about all periods, places, and methodologies. The result is a fortnightly collection of links to the best posts in history blogging, assembled by volunteers on a rotating basis. While bloggers can nominate their posts for inclusion, the dedicated hosts also strike out on their own to find appropriate posts. (I did not nominate my post about wills.)

There are other carnivals — on topics like philosophy or teaching, for example, and a recently inaugurated Carnival of the Feminists. In short, academic bloggers who write about research and teaching are thinking very seriously about their vocation, and they are engaging with their colleagues about how to do it right.

Academics who blog and assemble carnivals can perform thought experiments and try out ideas quickly without going through the conventional publications or conference process. They can also comment on areas outside of their expertise or current research. If they like — and I've been known to do this myself — they can be a bit silly on their blogs, too, letting off steam at the end of a long week.

In short, I find that blogging makes my work better. What isn't to like about that?

Having come to an understanding of why I blog, I wanted to hear from other blogging academics about their experiences. I posted a set of questions on my blog asking to hear from blogging graduate students and junior faculty members. I received 65 responses to my query — not a scientific poll, I know, but the answers to the question "why do you blog?" were the most thoughtful.

Graduate students, in particular, found blogging to be a way of communicating the joys and frustrations of working on a dissertation. Almost all of the respondents mentioned the usefulness and stimulation of cyber-scholarly life. Several mentioned that they had had Web presences since the mid-1990s; for those students, blogging is just an extension of previous Web-based activities.

I also received a few disheartening e-mail messages from grad students who had been told not to even think of blogging because it would destroy their chances of getting a tenure-track job.

But of the blogging junior professors, those whose colleagues knew about their blogs indicated that it did not seem to have harmed them in any way. A few even told me they had included their blogs in performance reviews — perhaps a sign of things to come?

The overall response led me to believe that the anti-blogging hysteria evident in Professor Tribble's columns is not as widespread as I originally thought.

The meaning and purpose behind a blog is, of course, in the eye of a blogger. For every blogger who posts only serious scholarly material, there will be many more bloggers like me who mix the personal and the professional in fun and quirky ways.

My advice to job committees: If you have a blogger in your pool, give the candidacy serious consideration. Job seekers who blog are thoughtful, interesting people who are fascinated by the possibilities that this new medium has for enhancing their personal and professional lives. Do not fear the blog; embrace it. You'll be glad you did.

Rebecca Anne Goetz is a doctoral candidate in early American history at Harvard University. She writes a blog called "(a)musings of a grad student," which is at blogspot.com, and contributes to one called "Cliopatria," which is at http://hnn.us/blogs/2.html.

Copyright © 2005 The Chronicle of Higher Education


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The Annual Autumn Rite Of Passage

Within the past few weeks, high school students more accomplished than I was in 1959 have completed and mailed college admission materials to the college(s) of their choice. Within those large envelopes, the students enclosed an admission essay. While I never wrote an admission essay anywhere because I attended mediocre schools that accepted anyone (open-door institutions), I remember the admission essay for Rice University because I was acquainted with some students at the Collegium Excellens who asked me to write a letter of reference for them. The Rice letter of application was prompted by an empty box at the head of the form. The applicant was instructed to place anything in the box that was of great significance to the applicant. The letter was to explain the choice and how it related to the applicant's desire to attend Rice University. One successful applicant, a gifted celloist, place a photo of his cello in the box and wrote about the role of music in his life. Another semi-successful applicant placed an album cover from a Beach Boys album in the box and was wait-listed. Chrisopher Buckley has written a modest entrance submission of his own to a college admissions office. It is laugh-out-loud humor. If this is (fair & balanced) satire, so be it.

[x New Yorker]
COLLEGE ESSAY


. . . your entrance essay must not only demonstrate your grasp of grammar and ability to write lucid, structured prose, but also paint a vivid picture of your personality and character, one that compels a busy admissions officer to accept you.

—Online college-application editing service




It was a seventeenth-century English-person John Donne who wrote, “No man is an island.” An excellent statement, but it is also true that “No woman is also an island.”

The truth of this was brought home dramatically on September 11, 2001. Despite the fact that I was only twelve at the time, the images of that day will not soon ever be forgotten. Not by me, certainly. Though technically not a New Yorker (since I inhabit northwestern Wisconsin), I felt, as Donne would put it, “Part of the main,” as I watched those buildings come down. Coincidentally, this was also the day my young sibling came down with a skin ailment that the doctors have not yet been able to determine what it is. It’s not like his skin condition was a direct result of the terrorist attack, but it probably didn’t help.

I have a personal connection to the events of that day, for some years ago my uncle by marriage’s brother worked in one of the towers. He wasn’t working there on 9/11, but the fact that he had been in the building only years before brought the tragedy home to Muskelunge Township.

It is for this reason that I have resolved to devote my life to bringing about harmony among the nations of the world, especially in those nations who appear to dislike us enough to fly planes into our skyscrapers. With better understanding comes, I believe, the desire not to fly planes into each other’s skyscrapers.

Also, I would like to work toward finding a cure for mysterious skin ailments. Candidly, I do not know at this point if I would be a pre-med, which indeed would be a good way to begin finding the cure. But I also feel that I could contribute vitally to society even if I were a liberal-arts major, for instance majoring in writing for television.

Many people in the world community, indeed probably most, watch television. Therefore I feel that by writing for TV I could reach them through that powerful medium, and bring to them a higher awareness of such problems as Global Warming, Avian Flu, earthquakes in places like Pakistan, and the tsumani. Also the situation in the White House with respect to Mr. Scooter Liddy. To be precise, I believe that television could play a key role in warning people living on shorelines that they are about to be hit by one humongous wave. While it is true that in northwest Wisconsin we don’t have this particular problem, it is also true that I think about it on behalf of people who do. No man is an island. To be sure.

Another element in my desire to devote my life to service to humanity was my parents’ divorce. Because I believe that this is valuable preparation for college and, beyond, life. At college, for instance, one is liable to find yourself living in a situation in which people don’t get along, especially in bathrooms. Bathrooms are in that sense a microcosm of the macrocosm. Bathrooms also can be a truly dramatic crucible, as the playright Arthur Miller has demonstrated in his dramaturgical magnum opus by that title.

I am not one to say, “Omigod, like poor me,” despite the fact that my dad would on numerable occasions drink an entire bottle of raspberry cordial and try to run Mamma over with the combine harvester. That is “Stinkin’ Thinkin’.” As the Danish composer Frederick Nietzche declared, “That which does not kill me makes me longer.” This was certainly true of Mamma, especially after being run over.

Finally, what do I bring to the college experience? As President Kennedy observed in his second inaugural, “Ask not what your country can do to you. Ask, what can you do to your country.”

I would bring two things, primarily. First, a positive attitude, despite all this crap I have had to deal with. Secondly, full tuition payment.

While Dad pretty much wiped out the money in the process of running over Mamma—she was in the house at the time—my grandparents say they can pay for my education, and even throw in a little “walking-around money” for the hardworking folks in the admissions department. Grandma says she will give up her heart and arthritis medications, and Grandpa says he will go back to work at the uranium mine in Utah despite the facts that he is eighty-two and legally blind.

In this way, the college won’t have to give me scholarship money that could go to some even more disadvantaged applicant, assuming there is one.

Christopher Buckley is a wickedly funny satirist. According to Buckley's self-description, he is a novelist and editor of Forbes FYI magazine. Buckley lives in Washington, D.C., with his wife and two children and dog, Duck. In 1998, he was inducted into the Legion d'honneur by the president of the Republic of France for "extraordinary contributions to French culture," despite the fact that his French is barely sufficient to order a meal in a restaurant. He has been an adviser to every president since William Howard Taft, a remarkable achievement, since he was born in 1952. His next book, a refutation of the theories of the physicist Stephen Hawking, will be published this fall by Princeton University Press. The sole omission in this autobio is that he is the son of William F. Buckley, Jr.

Copyright © CondéNet 2005. All rights reserved


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