Take This, W!

Erik V. Williams is that rarest of creatures in the Texas Panhandle: a LIB-ER-AL! The members of the GOP (God's Own Party) have been proclaiming that the naysayers are not worthy to kiss W's feet." This is one of the best responses to the GOP to date.

[x Amarillo Fishwrap]
Web posted Sunday, June 29, 2003
4:55 a.m. CT

Guest Column: No need to pucker up for W's feet


By Erik V. Williams

We all are familiar with the images of Saddam Hussein and his fawning sycophants stepping forward, bowing and kissing their great leader's shirt collar, his shoulders, his sleeves and hands in dutiful obeisance.

No sooner had Saddam been blasted from the earth, we were offered our own version of the above, with a local letter-writer demanding that liberal "whine-bags should get down on their knees and kiss (the president's) feet."

That the right should suddenly wax sentimental about Saddam is a trifle late, but is adopting the style of Eastern potentates in a republic really the best way to pay homage to their former ally?

The West has a long tradition of emulating and importing much that it has found in the Middle East. Ever since Alexander the Great conquered Persia and assumed the silk robes and jeweled slippers of Darius III in Babylon more than two millennia ago, god-kings, divine right and absolute monarchy have had an inordinate appeal to the ruling classes of the West.

Such customs have been a little out of fashion lately, but conservatives always have had a strong respect for tradition. Entering Babylon again has apparently excited ancient memories, older even than the late Strom Thurmond. Alexander's followers were required to prostrate themselves in his divine presence.

Was this writer onto something?

Does George Bush sit at his computer late at night like Bruce Nolan, watching the prayers to the Almighty stream in, beseeching him for solace and mercy?

"Please, please don't let me be indicted!" come the pleas.

"OK, Kenny Boy," George responds, punching the "Yes" key. "Sorry, Martha," hitting the "NO!" button.

"I pray the weapons of mass destruction will be found and the credibility of the United States is restored."

"OK, Laura, looks like I'll have to put them out myself!" says George.

Republicans may have their fantasies, but George Bush is not God. If he were, things would be quite different. The United States would act as if it alone ruled the world. Conservatives would think they owned the country and its affairs were nobody else's business. Republicans would control all branches of government and . . . uh, well. Ahem.

OK, things would be a lot different, but that has not kept right-wingers from believing Bush is the next best thing to God: divinely appointed. Democrats have always thought the 2000 election was a little queer and suspected the will of the people was thwarted. They were right. It was divine intervention, according to many conservatives. Who better to rig the voting without leaving any fingerprints?

Though members of the National Rifle Association said Bush owed his presidency to them, the fact he owes it to God has been obvious to the specialists who really know how to interpret events. Bush is on a mission from God.

How else is one to explain his swift ascent from such humble origins to the height of power unless he was marked out by the Almighty? Has he not been anointed with oil, lots of it? Was not his divine status foretold by the appearance of the burning shrub upon Mount Sinai as witnessed by Moses, played by none other than Charlton Heston, president of the NRA? Did Bush have not just three but nine supremely wise men and women recognize and usher him unto us?

In the fullness of time, we have witnessed the transfiguration of a C student into a towering leader with the "wisdom of Solomon," and a Methodist (considered apostates by fundamentalists) - into a "super Christian." With God's Own Party, he has cast the evil Demoncrats out of power and will reign a thousand years. Well, five more anyway.

Now, in these last days, with his terrible swift sword he did smite the harlot of Babylon to smithereens. He has unleashed a crusade upon the earth against evildoers to bring peace to the world. Oh, how the mighty tremble in anticipation of tax-free dividends, and the poor rejoice, freed from the bondage of employment.

Such a demigod deserves reverence and awe. Little wonder, then, that one peep about being "ashamed" can elicit so much outrage. Such blasphemies must be punished by those who demand respect be paid the president, just as they were so scrupulous in showing the utmost respect to the previous one.

Despite the fevered imaginations of some, it is not a sin to run or vote against Bush in the next election - yet. As for puckering up to Bush's 10 little piggies, real Americans bow to no man, especially their public servants. We're not about to have our president imitate divine beings and foreign dictators by kissing people on the head and strutting around in a military uniform and - oh, shoot.

Well, liberals, being un-American, had better pray Bush changes his socks and doesn't have smelly feet.

Erik V. Williams of Amarillo is a frequent contributor to the Other Opinion page.