Parody of Martha Stewart's Blog

[x Yahoo! Technology - TechWeb]
Martha's Blog (Column)
Sun Jul 6, 3:35 AM ET
(by David Strom)

6:45 am. Woke up to the sounds of pouring rain. I mean, it is really coming down in buckets. Hmm, maybe that is an idea for a new product line: color-coordinated rain buckets. Useful as gifts or organizers. Note to self: call Kmart buyers and feel them out on the bucket idea. While I am tired of all this rain and wish it were a sunny day, the rain means good news for me. Good news, because I can accessorize with a big umbrella that will shield me from the cameras that are bound to be there at my court appearance. And I am not just thinking about myself: the rain has been good for the garden, which has been blooming like crazy. Note to self: time to finish planting the rest of those bulbs. Or at least, time to make sure the gardener has done it. Do you really think I do this stuff on my own? Hardly.

6:50 am. Have to pick out an outfit that is contrite enough, yet says power for my day in court. Can't be too powerful or crisp, don't want to alienate my supporters. Still, have to dress for success. Maybe minimal makeup is the way to go. Always hard to gauge how far to take these things. Don't want to look too rich, but I do have my image to maintain.

7:00 am. Made a quick frittata, one of my favorite recipes. Takes just a few minutes, and with egg whites doesn't have all that bad cholesterol. Can never remember which is the bad and which is the good kind, anyway. Just stick with those egg whites, and you can't go wrong. Put a little bit of yolk in for color. Add a few veggies. Don't forget a matching napkin and placemat, and a bit of cheer for the morning. Yes, it does make a difference -- the right environment can calm you down for your big day.

7:30 am. Quick shower. Note to self: tired of that bathroom tile pattern. Time to check out something a bit more pleasing to the eye, perhaps a herringbone? Nope, that is too complex and confusing early in the morning. Maybe I should go with just straight subway tiles, classic white. Should have plenty of time on my hands after my court date. That's a joke.

8:00 am. In car on the way to the city. Start up new website, nice clean design with classic green top bar. Agonize over that green. Is it too lime? Do you think green reminds people of the color of money? That new money is something else. When will our government stop changing things around? You think they hired a designer or something. Anyway, back to marthatalks.com Approve photo and page design with designers. Have to make it clear that this is a "personal" site that isn't associated with Omnimedia. Or Imclone. That's a joke. Do you think people will come visit? Have to seed the site with several thousand fans. E-mail to staff: make sure you visit the site and post something nice today. Drive up those page views. Show that the people care about me and my plight.

Noon. Well, the court appearance went ok. Don't understand why they want to make me out as a criminal. All I made was one friggin' phone call. Strike that. I just called my broker, just like any other self-respecting citizen with some connections. Strike that. Have my PR people write the memo that will be posted on the site today. They will get the right tone.

6:00 pm. Site is up and looks great. Hits aplenty. We passed a million in a few hours. People are really responding. Go Martha! Maybe there is something to this web stuff after all.

9:00 pm. Got a call about Oracle. Told my broker, maybe another time. Have to focus on getting my company back on track. I think I'll leave the stock market for another (rainy) day.

David Strom is Technology Editor at VARBusiness magazine and a long-time technology journalist, including the author of two networking books and thousands of articles.