W Sings Another Version Of 16 Tons

This past Sunday (7/20/03), I was in America's Dairyland for the celebration the marriage of my son—David— to Lisa Riley Sapper. I was able to look at the Madison State Journal and I encountered Rick Horowitz after a long absence from the Amarillo Globe-News. Horowitz wrote a parody of the late Tennessee Ernie Ford's hit of the mid-50s: 16 Tons. You go, Rick!

Another Day Older and Another Excuse

By Rick Horowitz


Now, some say a president is made to inspire,
To sound the warnings and to blow on the fire,
Warnings and fire help a president teach --
But I blew it all with a line in a speech.


You say sixteen words, and what do you get?
The press in a frenzy and the nation upset,
Saint Condi don't you leave me 'cause this is war,
I've got my eye on two thousand and four.


I was up on the podium one wintery night,
To tell all my countrymen, "Prepare for a fight."
The State of the Union, and ev'rything calm,
Then I said Iraq wants a nuclear bomb.


You say sixteen words, and what do you get?
The press goin' crazy and the nation upset,
Saint Colin stand beside me 'cause this is war,
I've got my eye on two thousand and four.


Well, we rolled into Baghdad, we painted the town,
Their soldiers went runnin' and their statues came down,
Mission accomplished, but what did we see?
Not the slightest sign of the Dubya-M-D!


You say sixteen words, and what do you get?
The press in a tizzy and the nation upset,
Saint Ari don't retire now 'cause this is war,
I've got my eye on two thousand and four.


Secret uranium from African lands,
We held all the documents right in our hands,
So what if they're phony, and nothin' fits?
We'll play it cagey: We'll finger the Brits!


You say sixteen words, and what do you get?
The press in a fury and the nation upset,
Saint Rummy help protect me 'cause this is war,
I've got my eye on two thousand and four.


The spooks blew the whistle on it months in advance,
They knew they were forgeries, so why take the chance?
My people keep defendin' me all day long,
They say I'm not "necessarily" wrong.


You say sixteen words, and what do you get?
The Dems almost smilin' and the voters upset,
Saint Cheney don't forsake me 'cause this is war,
I've got my eye on two thousand and four.


Now my polls keep a-droppin' like I'm losin' my powers,
I change my story ev'ry couple of hours,
Some say I weaseled, some say I lied,
So let's toss George Tenet over the side!


You say sixteen words, and what do you get?
Some awful publicity and tons of regret,
Don't anyone desert me 'cause this is war --
And there ain't much time till two thousand and four!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

©2003 Rick Horowitz. All rights reserved.