Incident Report

In 1970, Paul Simon wrote

It's the same old story

Everywhere I go

I get slandered,

libeled,

I hear words I never heard

In the Bible.

And I'm so tired,

I'm oh so tired,

But I'm trying to keep my customers satisfied,

Satisfied.

Boy, am I tired (of tryin' to keep the customers satisfied).

Yesterday, in my 9:25am class — HIST 1301-008 — the same student got to me. I don't even know his name yet (the official class roll won't be established until later), but for the third class meeting out of three, this student sat reading an issue of Sports Illustrated. I have no idea which issue, but the full-page photos are unmistakable. It sure as hell wasn't U. S. history. I dropped a heavy hint during the first class meeting a week ago. I really said nothing in the second class meeting (other than utilize The Stare). Anyway, as I got to this guy's name on the temporary class roll, I asked him what he thought he was doing. He tried to give me The Stare. I was having none of it. I asked him to close the magazine. The student held the magazine up above his head and dropped it to the floor beside his desk. I stared at him. Again, he sat — attempting The Stare — as I gave him The Stare. The silence grew uncomfortable. Finally, I said, "Why don't you take your magazine and go somewhere and read it without any distractions?" More attempted Stare. I said, "There's the door. Take your magazine and go." This time, the student slapped his ballcap on his head and picked up his magazine. I said, "Take your cap, your magazine, and yourself out of this history classroom." He left for points unknown. I am fairly certain that he will file a grievance because he has the RIGHT to read a Sports Illustrated in U. S. history. In the words of my favorite president: Bring 'em on!

It is an incident like this that makes Paul Simon's Keepin' The Customers Satisfied my theme song. I'm so tired....

If this be (fair & balanced) small-mindedness, so be it.