Another Country Heard From: This Time, It's Dr. Laura

I have succumbed to the wiles of Tom Terrific in Wisconsin and the Nedster in Ohio spotted a soft spot (like Michigan did with Ohio State). I posted W's rap sheet and that inspired the Nedster. He sent this provocative attack on Dr. Laura along with the caution that he didn't know if the piece was F&B (fair & balanced). Poor Dr. Laura, she has been obliterated by Dr. Phil. Someone in the Nedster's circle named Doug wrote this hypothetical letter to Dr. Laura. Anyway, if this be (fair & balanced) blasphemy, so be it.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Not too long ago she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstances. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura with some related questions:


Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God¹s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and try to share the knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord‹Lev. 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness‹Lev. 15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can¹t I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination‹Lev. 11:10‹it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don¹t agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? ‹Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn¹t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God¹s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,

Doug