The Late Lewis Grizzard On Country Music

Clearing an old bulletin board from soon-to-be-upoccupied office, I happened upon a yellowed column clipped from the local fishwrap decades ago. Lewis Grizzard was a hoot. I wonder what he would have thought of Howard Dean and Confederate flag decals in pickup rear windows. If this is (fair & balanced) cornball, so be it.

Country Music Masterpieces
by
Lewis Grizzard

Atlanta — Even if you don't pearticularly enjoy Country music, you've got to admit some of the titles, lyrics, and thoughts are wonderfully poetic.

For years, there was something that circulated called The List. It included the very best Country music titles and lyrics. Remember these titles"

• My Wife Just Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Miss Him


• I Gave Her A Ring And She Gave Me The Finger


• We Used To Kiss On The Lips, But It's All Over Now


• How Come My Dog Don't Bark When You Come Around


And these equally impressive lyrics:


• If your phone don't ring, it's me.


• Ain't one thing in this ol' world worth a solitary dime and that's old dogs, and children, and watermelon wine.


• If you're waitin' on me, you're backin' up.


• Has anybody seen my sweet thang?


• The work we did was hard, but we slept at night 'cause we was tard. (That may be a paraphrase, but it's close enough — from Lorett Lynn's Coal Miner's Daughter.

Country music can be used in real-life situations. A friend was telling me how, when he asked his wife for a divorce, she refused and demanded that they go to a marriage counselor.

At the last session with the counselor, the counselor asked my friend's wife: Is there any song that really sums up your feelings for your husband?

She responded, Each time I hear Johnny Mathis sing, "Until the Twelfth of Never," I think of him.

And what about you? the counselor asked my friend. Is there any particular song that sums up your feelings for your wife?

Absolutely, he replied. Roy Clark's immortal, "Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone."

My friend got his divorce.

I bring all this up because of a new Country song I heard recently by George Jones. For those not familiar with Mr. Jones, he's been around for years and is a notorious drinker.

On one occasion, his former wife, Country singer Tammy Wynette, left their Nashville home to go on tour. She had all of the liquor removed from the house, and left George with no car.

No problem for George. He was last seen heading for the nearest bar, driving the couple's lawnmower.

Despite his drinking problems, George Jones is recognized by many as the best Country singer ever. His voice has the same tone as a steel guitar when he sings of love — lost and found.

And his latest: There's this guy, and his baby has gone, and he's sitting at home and darkness has come, and he's got the hurt-all-over blues.

He turns to drink as the answer. He pulls off the shelf a decanter of bourbon that is in the image of the late Elvis. He's got to have something to drink the bourbon from, so he locates a Fred Flintstone jelly jar.

He pours out the jelly, steams the label off the jar, and pours himself a drink out of Elvis.

And he sings:

Yabba, Dabba, Do, the King is gone and so are you.

A classic is born.