Would W. C. Fields Vote For W?

Some of the funniest stuff on "The Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy Show" featured W. C. Fields feuding with Charlie (Actually Bergen because Charlie was a wooden puppet.) The greatest comic of his time exchanged insults with Charlie:

Charlie: Fields, you weren't born, you were squeezed out of bar rag.
Fields: Why, you woodpecker's pinup boy!

And on and on. If this is (fair & balanced) roguery, so be it.

[x Compton's Interactive Encyclopedia]
One of America's greatest comedians, W.C. Fields was a master mimic whose humor and mock pompousness was accompanied by a unique combination of a nasal drawl, wooden expression, and flawlessly timed gestures. He ad-libbed, or made up as he went along, many of his radio and movie scripts and maintained a cynic's role both on and off the screen. In motion pictures he often played a heavy drinker who detested all children and dogs, wore a top hat and frayed gloves, and carried a walking stick.

Born Claude William Dukenfield on Jan. 29, 1880, in Philadelphia, at age 11 he ran away from home. He began juggling tennis balls, apples, and stones and within three years had a vaudeville juggling act that brought him considerable recognition. From 1915 to 1921 he juggled in the Ziegfeld Follies on New York City's Broadway. In 1923 Fields switched to comic acting on the stage and then in motion pictures, where his years of practice with pantomime made him an overnight success. He moved to Hollywood and wrote, directed, and starred in films. He played the "straight" role of Mr. Micawber in 'David Copperfield' in 1935 and is remembered for 'The Bank Dick' and 'My Little Chickadee' (both 1940) and 'Never Give a Sucker an Even Break' (1941). Fields died in Pasadena, Calif., on Dec. 25, 1946.

Copyright © 2003 Compton's Interactive Encyclopedia

W.C. Fields said (at some time):

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Children should neither be seen nor heard from -- ever again.

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I don't drink water; fish fuck in it.

I never met a kid I liked.

I was married once -- in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. Then give up. There's no use being a damned fool about it.

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whittish fluid they force down helpless babies.

Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days. - 'My Little Chickadee' (1940 film)

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

There's not a man in America who at one time or another hasn't had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

Thou shalt not commit adultery ... unless in the mood.

Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

You can't cheat an honest man. He has to have larceny in his heart in the first place.

Hell, I never vote for anybody. I always vote against. in Robert Lewis Taylor - "W.C. Fields: His Follies and Fortunes"

Last week I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. in Richard J. Anobile - "Godfrey Daniels"

Here lies W.C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia. in Vanity Fair (1925) - his suggested epitaph for himself

I always keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake -- which I also keep handy. in Corey Ford - "Time of Laughter" (1970)

Never give a sucker an even break. in Collier's 28 November 1925
It was W.C. Fields' catch-phrase, and he is said to have used it in the musical comedy 'Poppy' (1923), although it does not occur in the libretto. It was used as the title of a W.C. Fields film in 1941.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. in Richard J. Anobile - "Flasks of Fields" (1972) - 'Never Give a Sucker an Even Break' (1941 film)

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. in William K. Everson - "Art of W.C. Fields" (1968) 'You can't cheat an honest man' (1939 film)

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