Only In Texas: Out Of One Joint And Into Another!

Bastrop County Sheriff Richard Hernandez made the national news in 2007 when he was indicted for using Batrop County (east of Austin) materials, taxpayer resources, and inmate labor to construct barbecue pits that he later sold for personal profit. According to state investigators, Bastrop County resources were used to build and improve a mobile barbecue trailer that the sheriff later sold for his personal benefit. Trusting only in the God of his choice, Hernandez required the buyer to pay him with cash. Hernandez pled guilty to six felony counts, including theft by a public servant, abuse of official capacity, and misapplication of fiduciary property. Those crimes are third-degree felonies punishable by fines of as much as $10,000 and sentences as long as 10 years in jail.

According to his plea agreement with the Attorney General of Texas, Hernandez spent 90 days in jail, is on probation for 10 years, has forfeited his peace officer's license, and has paid Bastrop County $16,000 in restitution. The county also received $3,750 that Hernandez deposited in a court restitution account after his indictment. The money was intended to repay the county for materials used to build barbecue pits that Hernandez was accused of selling for personal profit.

Now, the (con) artist formerly known as Sheriff Hernandez is back in the news as Pit Boss Hernandez holding forth in Bastrop County (Elgin, Texas; note that Texans pronounce Elgin with a hard-G) at Richard's Back Porch Barbecue. Professional redneck John Kelso covered the opening for the Austin Fishwrap. Kelso proclaimed the ribs at Richard's to be killer-bee. Ditto for the sides (slaw and creamed corn), according to Kelso. Hernandez posed for Kelso, columnist-cum-shutterbug, at the front door of the joint. Hernandez is holding a plate of ribs(?) and that marks his joint as a wannabe. Serve it on butcher paper, Sheriff! While he was Bastrop County Sheriff (selling bootleg Bar-B-Q cookers out the back door), Hernandez subscribed to the the Texas Bar-B-Q business mantra: "In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash." If Hernandez now accepts plastic in payment for his 'cue, he's gone over to the Dark Side. Serving time in the joint changes a man: he goes from paper to plastic in 90 days.

If this is (fair & balanced) indirect cooking of the books, so be it.

[x Austin Fishwrap]
Ex-Bastrop Sheriff Goes From One Joint to Another
By John Kelso

Life has been full of joints lately for former Bastrop County Sheriff Richard Hernandez.

Former Bastop County Sheriff Richard Hernandez
Copyright © 2008 John Kelso/American-Statesman

After spending 90 days in the joint, that being the Caldwell County Jail ("on a work release-type deal," Hernandez says), he has opened a barbecue joint in his hometown of Elgin called Richard's Back Porch Barbecue. The place opened Tuesday downtown, and by Wednesday it attracted a lunch crowd of about 35 or 40 people.

"A lot of friends," Hernandez explained. And nobody in striped clothing, either.

Life has been the pits for Hernandez. After serving as Bastrop County sheriff for 10 years, he was sent to jail for, among other things, using inmate labor and county materials to build custom barbecue pits for personal profit. And now he's got his own business with two big barbecue pits in the back room.

Those pits, he assures us, are NOT the pits related to his incarceration.

"No, they were already here," Hernandez said. "I don't have any pits. The one I did have, I turned it in to the county, and it was mine."

Hernandez says he bought the place, formerly called Steve Cartwright's Barbecue, and changed the name to Richard's Back Porch.

"Owner-financed, and a little help from our bank," he explained.

There will be jokes about Richard's Back Porch Barbecue. "I heard the chicken is real good; they call it jailbird," one wag said.

I can't speak for the chicken. But despite Hernandez's former problems as a law enforcement officer, he can do some que. I had lunch there Wednesday and the pork ribs were meaty and tasty, with just the right amount of smoke flavor and fat. The creamy cole slaw was to die for. Well, maybe not to die for but to do time for. And the creamed corn? It made my tongue want to slap the back of my neck.

But don't expect to find any beer on Richard's Back Porch. Since Hernandez got 10 years' probation, you'll be waiting many years to see a cold one in this place.

He says he was thinking about getting his wife to land a beer license for the place.

"But we decided against it," he said. "I can't have beer around. That would be nonsense. We're not going to sell alcohol here, not at all. We don't have no intentions."

Richard Hernandez is a man who doesn't hold a grudge. Years ago over in Bastrop, he busted a good friend of mine for DWI when she was about a block from her house and put her in jail. Years later, at her birthday party in her backyard, Hernandez made her an honorary deputy sheriff. He seems to be good with people. So what does he prefer: cooking for a living or being a county sheriff?

"Barbecuing. Barbecuing. I enjoy this," said Hernandez, who worked the serving line Wednesday in plaid Bermuda shorts, running shoes, a red apron and no badge. "While I was sheriff, I cooked for all the county Christmas parties for nine years so they wouldn't have to hire anybody. I'd cook for 300-400 people. It kind of saved the county some money."

The irony here is that Hernandez pleaded guilty to six felony counts, one of them theft by public servant. And here he was, serving — brisket.

Certainly Hernandez has the experience to run a barbecue place. He says he's been barbecuing for about 15 years and that he and his four brothers have a barbecue cooking team called Texas Slow Cookers. The team, he says, has done well at cookoffs.

"We've won chicken before, and we've won ribs, and I think we came in second place or third place with brisket before," he said.

Hernandez looks like he'll be a good businessman. The sign on the counter in his barbecue joint says the onions, pickles and sauce are complimentary, but bread is 10 cents a slice after the sixth slice.

So after getting in trouble over handling the bread, now he's keeping a close eye on it.

[Downeaster (Maine-native) John Kelso has worked for the Austin (Texas) American-Statesman as a humor columnist since 1977. Before coming to Austin, Kelso worked at several newspapers: The Manchester (N.H.) Union-Leader; The Boonville (Mo.) Daily News; The Palm Beach (Fla.) Post and the Racine (Wis.) Journal Times. Kelso has been a general assignment reporter, a copy editor, a sports editor, and an outdoor writer. His redneck-shtik appears thrice weekly: Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays in the Austin Fishwrap.]

Copyright © 2008 Austin American-Statesman

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