In Texas, They're Not Dumbos; They're Plain Ol' Dumbasses

Cynthia Dunbar, Texas SBOE District 10 (Houston 'Burbs)

In a column posted on the Christian Worldview Network Web site, State Board of Education member Cynthia Dunbar wrote that a terrorist attack on America during the first six months of an Obama administration "will be a planned effort by those with whom Obama truly sympathizes to take down the America that is threat to tyranny." Guess which side SBOE member Dunbar takes on creationism in science classrooms? Five will get you ten that Dumbar is a True Republican Woman. She belongs in the same loony bin as the Minnesota wacko Michele Bachmann and The Mighty Q. The Austin Fishwrap's Faux Redneck Columnist, John Kelso, calls these wingnuts "3-Watt Bulbs." That's an insult to incandescent lighting. If this is (fair & balanced) scorn, so be it.

[x Austin Fishwrap]
You Say Obama Is A Muslim? I'll Call You A 3-Watt Bulb
By John Kelso

In fact, in my Arab suit, some Texans might think I'm Obama.

Do me a big swingin' favor. If you're one of the 23 percent of Texans who said Barack Obama is a Muslim in that poll, move to, say, Pennsylvania.

You're making this state look stupid.

A statewide survey of Texans done by University of Texas political scientists found that 23 percent of those polled thought the Democratic presidential candidate is a Muslim. The sample was 600 folks. The more education the respondents had, the less likely they were to think Obama is a Muslim.

I wonder how that 23 percent figure compares with the number of Texans who believe in the-moon-is-made-of-green-cheese thing, or the myth about the hairy palms.

This is unfortunate. We're starting to make Mississippi look smart.

Now, I don't sit up nights worrying about people in other states thinking people in Texas are uneducated dolts. I have been around the world enough to know we don't have a monopoly on numskulls. But when the national polls show that 5 to 10 percent of Americans think Obama is a Muslim, and we're at 23 percent in Texas, tell me this much: How does this boost tourism?

On Friday, for Halloween, I wore my Arab suit to work. I bought this outfit in the early '80s for $20 while drinking beer on the Colorado River with an oil field worker who had just gotten back from Kuwait. On the occasional Halloween, I drag it out to save a few bucks on a rental.

I wonder what percentage of Texans would believe, if they saw me in the suit, that I am Barack Obama? Check out the photo above. As you can clearly see from the picture, I am Barack Obama.

If you don't believe me, ask that woman John McCain had to grab the microphone away from at the rally, after she said she was worried that Obama is an Arab.

Obama's a Muslim, and I'm a Balinese supermodel. I can understand getting confused, though. As many doors as Obama's been banging on to get elected, I'm surprised 23 percent of Texans don't think Obama is a Jehovah's Witness.

To tell you the truth, I don't really trust this poll completely. Sure, 23 percent of the Texans polled probably said Barack Obama is a Muslim. I just don't think 23 percent of them really believe it. I figure maybe two-thirds of the Texans who are saying that are just saying it because they figure it's an insult. My theory: They don't like Obama, so they figure a way to goon him is to say he's a Muslim. Like there's something wrong with somebody automatically because of his religion.

On the other hand, I'm wondering now what percentage of Texans believe in the correlation between stepping on a sidewalk crack and breaking your mother's back. It's probably pretty high.

[Downeaster (Maine-native) John Kelso has worked for the Austin (Texas) American-Statesman as a humor columnist since 1977. Before coming to Austin, Kelso worked at several newspapers: The Manchester (N.H.) Union-Leader; The Boonville (Mo.) Daily News; The Palm Beach (Fla.) Post, and the Racine (Wis.) Journal Times. Kelso has been a general assignment reporter, a copy editor, a sports editor, and an outdoor writer. As a pretend-redneck, Kelso is all gimme cap and no double-wide. His redneck-shtik appears thrice weekly: Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays in the Austin Fishwrap.]

Copyright © 2008 The Austin American-Statesman

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