Go. All. The. Way! Read. This. Post!

'Tis the Spring Equinox and a not-so-young blogger's thoughts turn to style. Before he manfiested symptoms of either Ménière's disease or Alzheimer's disease, the Dean of St. Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin — Jonathan Swift — wrote in an essay ("Letter to a Young Gentleman Lately Entered Into Holy Orders", 1721) that "proper words in proper places" were the principal elements of style. Today, a blogger at Salon, Cindy Ross, did Dean Swift proud. Her proper words in proper places indict the latest scourge of our language. This girl be stylin'. If this is (fair & balanced) literacy criticism, so be it.

[x Open Salon]
Who. Originated. This. Horrible. Abuse. Of. Punctuation?
By Cindy Ross

Tag Cloud of the following article

abuse admit anyway avoid becca best capitalization conclude course culture emphasis episode etymology express fads google hear indulge intonation intrepid intrepidly journalism journalist language linguistic muckrake online originated periods points pop prick probably punch punctuation purist reader reason research search sentence simpsons something think translates verb words worst written years

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...and capitalization, too?

I've been wondering about the use of periods between, and capitalization of, each word in a sentence or phrase. It's a fad, and from what I can detect through intrepid journalism, it has been around for several years. Are we no longer able to express through word choice and sentence organization the emphasis we are trying to communicate? It bothers me when writers indulge in it, because it's exactly that, a self-indulgence. I like to think that the level of writing is consistently good here; when I see the taint of pop culture creeping in, I'm disheartened.

I'm discussing it with my daughter as I write. Becca will soon be majoring in Asian languages and English, and I value her opinion. Tragically, she has just pronounced me a purist. Clearly she considers this a devastating insult. When I tell her, triumphantly, that she is absolutely right, she throws up her hands in disgust and leaves the room. Ah ha! She is herself guilty of this abuse, and therefore cannot admit that it is troublesome to those of us who care about the language. I admit it: I do resist linguistic fads. I've avoided smiley faces on principle for ten years now. I especially fight against fads that I suspect have been widely disseminated through television, and I have reason to believe that this Worst. Punctuation. Ever. has originated precisely from the medium I loathe.

Sure enough, when I google (yes, I hate that new verb, too. I suppose I should say, "when I search." Maybe I'm not as extreme a purist as Becca thinks.) Anyway, when I, uh, search, I find evidence that confirms my worst suspicions. According to this post at Language Log, we may have The Simpsons to thank for this example of pop culture punctuation:

When did that "periods and capital letters" thing start anyway? I associate it with TV fan forums, most famously in the expression "Best. Episode. Ever." Or "Worst. Episode. Ever." (That expression, credited to Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons, has been snowcloned into "best/worst X ever," as in VH1's show "Best Week Ever.") Prosodically it seems to imply that each word should be treated as an intonation unit, with appropriate pitch and stress at each onset. On ESPN one hears that sort of intonation from Chris Berman in his annoying NFL recaps: "He! Could! Go! All! The! Way!"

I then intrepidly muckrake the Simpsons episode referenced (by clicking on the link so obligingly left) and find that it was aired in 2001. Horrors! We have been indulging in this vile practice for Eight. Years.

This same language blogger points out that "punctuation" has the same etymology as "punch," as in impact. Interesting; I never would have made that connection. But, ever the combative journalist, I will not, of course take the dictation of a source who may have reason to use me as a megaphone for the latest linguistic talking points.

I intrepidly research "punctuation" via the online etymology dictionary. There, I find a confusing hodgepodge of information, but do figure out that "punctuation" as a word can be traced back to 1539, and originates from the Latin (or L., if you're a linguistics nerd) "punctus." Hah! Now I'm onto something. I refer to the first online Latin-English translator that a Google search turns up, and find this translates to "to penetrate, a prick, sting, little hole, harrass, annoy, harass, a point, to prick, spot, puncture, place, stab, touch, move." The muckraker in me objects to this promiscuous grouping of nouns and verbs, but I am worn out from all this intrepid journalism, so this translation will have to do.

So what do I conclude from this exhaustive, Ph.D.-dissertation-worthy research? Punctuation is our friend. It helps us add punch to what we write. It prompts the reader to "hear" what we've written as if we have spoken it, with the emphases and pauses the way we would have said it to the reader, if we could.

Becca, in the meantime, has concluded her own research. She has reviewed years of journal-writing, and has found an example dating back to 2002 in which she has inserted dashes between individual words for emphasis. She says, "I couldn't possibly have been influenced by the Simpsons episode you mention."

I respond, "You probably weren't. The Simpsons' usage probably 'went viral,' to rely on another pop culture word. This is probably uniquely your attempt to express your own intonation. Can I see it?"

Outraged, she claims executive privilege. I sympathize with anyone who wants to keep a diary entry written at the age of 13 private.

I agree with Becca that language needs to evolve. But I think it's wise to recognize our use of clichés, and even wiser to avoid an overreliance on them.

Of course, journalistic muckraking has its hazards. In googling "periods between words for emphasis," one hit, for some reason, was this link. Is someone trying to tell me something? ♥

[Cindy Ross, according to her own blog-bio, is "...politically cynical, struggling to remain generous in a world of greed. I teach. Never watch TV EVER (Well, okay, Bill Moyers and NOW online.) Give me a book or a Glenn Greenwald post to read, and I'm happy. A self-styled agnostic Lutheran deist, I view Jim Wallis, not James Dobson, as the better example of What Jesus Would Do."]

Copyright © 2009 Salon Media Group, Inc.

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Copyright © 2009 Sapper's (Fair & Balanced) Rants & Raves