Drat! The BFI Didn't Commit Seppuku!

With the news that his nemesis, Al Franken, will become the junior Senator from Minnesota, the very least The BFI (Franken called him The Big Fat Idiot, but another F-word is more appropriate.) could do would be to hunker down in his radio studio and plunge a ritual short sword into his abdomen and move the sword left to right in a slicing motion. One advantage for The BFI: a LARGE abdomen and the slicing motion that ends up on the right side is a nice touch. However, the executor of The BFI's estate would have to find a plot that would accomodate Shamu (as the final resting place for The BFI). The BFI and all of his Dumbo fellow-travelers have lost face over and over again and Seppuku is the only honorable thing they can do. If this is a (fair & balanced) samurai fantasy, so be it. Bonzai!

[x HuffingtonPost]
Poll: Majority of MN Voters No Longer Remember Who They Voted For
By Andy Borowitz

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aftermath al ali andy anointed ayatollah borowitz casualty clearly coleman concede conducted davis decision election franken indicates institute iran khamenei leader learn legal logsdon longer losers loss lot majority memory minnesota norm opinion poll published remember research seat senate short-term source survey thumbs-up today university unlikely voted voters washington yesterday

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As newly anointed Minnesota Senator Al Franken prepares to take his seat in Washington, a new survey published today indicates that a majority of Minnesota voters can no longer remember whether or not they voted for him.

"This is clearly a casualty of the long legal aftermath of the Senate election," says Davis Logsdon, who conducted the survey for University of Minnesota's Opinion Research institute. "There's been a lot of short-term memory loss."

Norm Coleman's decision to concede got a thumbs-up yesterday from an unlikely source: Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.

"Other losers could learn a lot from him," the Ayatollah said. Ω

[Andy Borowitz is the creator the Borowitz Report, a Web site that is a lot funnier than the stuff posted by Matt Drudge and his ilk. Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears regularly in The New Yorker. He is the first winner of the National Press Club's humor award and has won seven Dot-Comedy Awards for his web site. He is the author of five humor books, including The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers, a 2005 finalist for the Thurber Prize for American Humor. His most recent book is Who Moved My Soap? — The CEO's Guide to Surviving Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition (2009). Borowitz is a magna cum laude graduate of Harvard College, Class of 1980.]

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