About a month ago (June 23, 2009), this blogger posted a "humor column" written by the Austin Fishwrap's resident redneck "humor columnist," John Kelso. The introduction to that Kelso "humor column" roused the ire of Mrs. Kelso. See her comment at the end of that blog entry. While this blogger is not interested in another urological competition with Mrs. Kelso, it is still this blogger's nature to rush in where angels fear to tread. In today's "humor column," Faux Redneck Kelso made light of Roe v. Wade, which — since 1973 — has made abortion less than a laughing matter in the Land O'The Free and The Home O'The Brave, thanks to the anti-abortion killers of Dr. George Tiller, Dr. Barnett Slepian, Robert Sanderson (clinic security guard), Shannon Lowney and Lee Ann Nichols (clinic receptionists), Dr. John Britton and James Barrett (clinic security guard), and Dr. David Gunn. Of course, it goes without saying that the killers and their anti-abortion sympathizers find no humor in abortion, either. In an earlier column this week, that also wasn't very funny, Kelso proclaimed that he was saved from many lapses in good taste by his editors. Perhaps Mrs. Kelso also has tamed the loutish humor from time to time. However, in the case of today's "humor column," Kelso went over the line with the Aggie joke about Roe v. Wade and where were the editors? Where was Mrs. Kelso? The silence is deafening. If this is a (fair & balanced) criticism of an undescended sense of humor, so be it.
[x Austin Fishwrap]
Want Answers From Sotomayor? Ask The Right Questions
By John Kelso
Tag Cloud of the following article
The trouble with the Supreme Court confirmation hearings? The Senate folks doing the grilling rarely ask the right questions, many of which the candidate isn't going to answer anyway.
Even Dick Cheney and the home waterboard kit he keeps in his garage couldn't get Judge Sonia Sotomayor's opinion on abortion during these hearings. So, what you're left with is a chorus of windbags, each trying to out-pipe organ the next.
This makes for boring TV. I mean, what do you advertise for $19.95 on a show like this? Certainly not the Bass-o-matic. Besides, it leaves people knowing less about the nominee than they did before the show started.
So, here are some of the questions our senators should have been asking Sotomayor, if they'd really wanted to scare out some fascinating details about her:
You're from the Bronx, so you tell me: How'd that Bronx Cheer thing get started?
Were there ever any plans to attend the Great Texas Mosquito Festival this weekend in Clute, and if so, were you fixing to enter the mosquito legs contest under the large pavilion?
So, who's your favorite Beatle?
If you had to, would you leg wrestle House Minority Leader John Boehner for this job?
Critical cuisine question: Do you truly believe there is any such thing as a chicken fajita?
Paper or plastic, or did you bring your own bag?
Does the Constitution mention Al Franken?
Do you know the one about Roe v. Wade being an Aggie river cruise choice to get to the other side?
Have you ever thought about putting the duck quack ring on your cell phone?
Do you think 9 o'clock in the morning is too early to start a tailgate party?
What's the funniest thing you've ever put ketchup on?
Do you go to NASCAR just to watch the wrecks?
Ever had an itch to be a barrel racer?
Harvard Law, huh? When you pick up The New Yorker, do you look at the cartoons, or do you actually read the articles?
How 'bout them Cowboys?
Here's a biggie. Good barbecue: sauce, or no sauce?
When you check into a motel, like me, is the ice machine the first thing you go looking for?
Do you think Dallas really does look better from a DC-9 at night?
When you're riding the Superman at Six Flags, do you throw your arms in the air, or do you keep them in the car?
And finally, would you rather have an audience with the pope or be part of the audience at Willie Nelson's picnic? Ω
[Downeaster (Maine-native) John Kelso has worked for the Austin (Texas) American-Statesman as a humor columnist since 1977. Before coming to Austin, Kelso worked at several newspapers: The Manchester (NH) Union-Leader; The Boonville (MO) Daily News; The Palm Beach (FL) Post, and the Racine (WI.) Journal Times. Kelso has been a general assignment reporter, a copy editor, a sports editor, and an outdoor writer. As a pretend-redneck, Kelso is all gimme cap and no double-wide. His redneck-shtik appears thrice weekly: Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays in the Austin Fishwrap.]
Copyright © 2009 Austin American-Statesman
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Copyright © 2009 Sapper's (Fair & Balanced) Rants & Raves
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