Thursday, January 14, 2016

Today's Post By Andy Borowitz Is Short'n Sweet (And Damn Funny)

After leaving the Collegium Excellens after 32 miserable years, thi blogger thought back to all of the people he had encountered in those 32 years. Andy Borowitz's imagined thoughts that the POTUS 44 had about never appearing before the Congress again after January 12, 2016. When this blogger says farewell to this blog, he will never have to think about the miserable Dumbos/Teabaggers ever again. Free at last, free at last, free at last. If this is a (fair & balanced) early farewell to horrible people, so be it.

[x New Yorker]
Obama Celebrates Last Time He Has To Talk To These Bastards
By Andy Borowitz

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Looking ahead to his final State of the Union address, Barack Obama told NBC’s Matt Lauer that he was “celebrating, just celebrating the last time I ever have to talk to these bastards.”

“I’ll be going over some of the accomplishments of the past seven years and outlining some of the challenges for our nation that remain ahead,” the President said, in an interview taped for NBC’s “Today” show. “But inside, I’ll be like, ‘Good Lord, I never have to so much as look at these horrible people again.’ ”

Asked which member of Congress he would most enjoy never looking at again, Obama responded, “That’s tough. It’s a toss-up between Ted Cruz and Mitch McConnell. But the beautiful thing is, I don’t have to choose, Matt. After tonight, I don’t have to look at either of them.”

When Lauer reminded Obama that he might still have to engage in face-to-face conversations with McConnell during his final year as President, Obama visibly shuddered. “God, let’s hope not,” he said.

Over all, the President suggested that his ambitions for his final State of the Union were modest at best. “Just to be able to look out at that sea of bastards for the last time ever—well, it doesn’t get sweeter than that,” he said. Ω

[Andy Borowitz is the creator the "Borowitz Report," a Web site that is a lot funnier than the stuff posted by Matt Drudge and his ilk. Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears regularly in The New Yorker. He is the first winner of the National Press Club's humor award and has won seven Dot-Comedy Awards for his web site. His most recent book (and Amazon's Best Kindle Single of the Year) is An Unexpected Twist (2012). Borowitz is a magna cum laude (English) graduate of Harvard College.]

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