Next In The News — Stupid Presidential Candidate, Donald T. (For "The") Chump Restates His Position & Will Only Use Nukes In A Courteous Way

If this were Ireland, Chump would be be dismissed as a "fooking eejit" and that would be that. If this is a (fair & balanced) look into the mind of a patient in a padded room, so be it.

[x The New Yorker]
Trump Says He Would Only Use Nuclear Weapons In A Sarcastic Way
By Andy Borowitz

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andy attack blitzer borowitz clarifying cnn codes countries difference donald everything explain issue key kidding lighten lot national-security nations non-sarcastic nuclear nuclear-launch obvious ok people position president pressed really responded sarcastic specify stop target told trump used weapons willing wolf worried

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Clarifying his position on a key national-security issue, Donald Trump said on Friday that as President he would be willing to use nuclear weapons, “but only in a sarcastic way.”

“People who are worried about me having the nuclear-launch codes should stop worrying, OK?” Trump told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “If I ever used nuclear weapons, it would be really obvious that I was just being sarcastic.”

Pressed by Blitzer to explain the difference between a sarcastic and non-sarcastic nuclear attack, Trump responded, “You’d use the weapons and everything, but then you’d say, ‘Just kidding.’ ”

Trump did not specify which nations he would target for a sarcastic nuclear attack. “I can’t say right now,” he said. “But there are a lot of countries that need to lighten up.” Ω

[Andy Borowitz is the creator the "Borowitz Report," a Web site that is a lot funnier than the stuff posted by Matt Drudge and his ilk. Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears regularly in The New Yorker. He is the first winner of the National Press Club's humor award and has won seven Dot-Comedy Awards for his web site. His most recent book (and Amazon's Best Kindle Single of the Year) is An Unexpected Twist (2012). Borowitz received a BA (English magna cum laude)from Harvard University.]

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