The Nightmare Awaits: On January 20, 2017, Il Douche Will Move From Twitter Tweets To FBI Raids

The latest contretemps for Il Douche is his petulant Twitter-response to Meryl Streep's critizue of everything Douche with emphasis on his mockery of a NY Fishwrap reporter, Serge Kovaleski, who suffers from a congenital joint condition. At one of his campaign "rallies in South Carolina, Il Douche was captured in all of humanitarian glory. (Kovaleski had angered Il Douche with questions at a press conference.) Of course, Il Douche denied the attack on Kovaleski in his attack upon Meryl Streep. In a few days, Il Douche will deny that he attacked Meryl Streep. Is there a behavior pattern here? If this is a (fair & balanced) example of politics as usual in 2017, so be it.

[x New Yorker]
Trump Urges Spy Agencies To Lay Off Russia And Focus On Threat Posed By Actresses
By Andy Borowitz


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actresses additionally agencies agents allegations allowed america barack borowitz called complained country dealing donald entering fbi flow focus growing heads improv infiltrate instead intelligence investigations irate mandatory meeting obama posed president president-elect putin real registration reportedly russia scourge series source spy table taken temporary threat tower trump urges vladimir witch

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In an emergency meeting at Trump Tower on Monday morning, President-elect Donald J. Trump urged the heads of the nation’s intelligence agencies to “stop picking on Russia” and instead focus on “the very real threat” posed by Hollywood actresses.

Calling the recent allegations against Russia a “witch hunt,” Trump told the intelligence chiefs that their investigations of Russian President Vladimir Putin were distracting them from “America’s real enemy, actresses.”

Growing increasingly irate, he laid out a series of proposals for dealing with what he called a “scourge,” including mandatory registration of actresses and a temporary ban on actresses entering the country.

Additionally, he said that the flow of actresses could be “cut off at the source” by having FBI agents infiltrate improv classes.

“Nothing should be taken off the table,” Trump reportedly said.

The President-elect also complained that, under President Barack Obama, actresses have been allowed to operate with impunity. “Barack Obama is basically the founder of actresses,” he said. ###

[Andy Borowitz is the creator the "Borowitz Report," a Web site that is a lot funnier than the stuff posted by Matt Drudge and his ilk. Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears regularly in The New Yorker. He is the first winner of the National Press Club's humor award and has won seven Dot-Comedy Awards for his web site. His most recent book (and Amazon's Best Kindle Single of the Year) is An Unexpected Twist (2012). Borowitz received a BA (English magna cum laude)from Harvard University.]

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