Supposedly, the first great Chief Justice of the SCOTUS, John Marshall, has a drinking problem and before there was AA, he took the first step in recognizing this behavior. So, Marshal proclaimed that he would not take a drink unless it was raining outside. One sunny day, after lengthy deliberation, Marshall stood and looked at the other Justices gathered around the table in the single room in the US Capitol that housed the Court and said: "Gentlemen, it is raining somewhere, let us adjourn to the pub just down the road." Cheif Justice Marshall didn't have an AA meeting for support, but the newest junior Justice needs to reserve the Conference Room for a weekly (or more frequent) chapter of AA in Washington, DC. The new Justice can open each meeting with a true statement (unlike his testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee), "Hello, my name is Brett and I am a drunk." If this is (fair & balanced) magical thinking, so be it.
[x New Yorker]
Kavanaugh Disappointed To Discover Supreme Court Has No Happy Hour
By Andrew (Andy) Borowitz
TagCrowd Cloud of the following piece of writing
In a setback for the newest Associate Justice on his first day at work, Brett Kavanaugh said on Tuesday that he was “very disappointed” to learn that the Supreme Court does not have a happy hour.
Kavanaugh told reporters that he made the horrifying discovery as the clock ticked down to 5 PM and “everyone was still in their offices working and stuff.”
“I mean, I couldn’t believe it,” Kavanaugh said. “I had been busting my tail for six hours, and I needed to blow off some steam.”
Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the member of the Court who delivered the bad news to Kavanaugh. “When she told me, I guess I started crying a bit, which I now regret,” he said. “She just kind of closed her office door and went back to work or whatever.”
Kavanaugh’s unpleasant discovery that the Supreme Court has “absolutely no drink specials” has left him wondering if his bruising confirmation battle “was even worth it.”
“This place blows,” he said. ###
[Andrew (Andy) Borowitz is the creator the Borowitz Report, a Web site that is a lot funnier than the stuff posted by Matt Drudge and his ilk. Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears regularly in The New Yorker. He is the first winner of the National Press Club's humor award and has won seven Dot-Comedy Awards for his web site. His most recent book (and Amazon's Best Kindle Single of the Year) is An Unexpected Twist (2012). Borowitz received a BA, magna cum laude (English) from Harvard University (MA).]
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